The above photo is of Amy Winehouse on vacation. I think. It also might be a microscopic photo of the virus that causes herpes. But, people.com says it’s Winehouse.
Amy Winehouse was drastically dressed down last weekend while enjoying a U.K. holiday with friends – and the pics caused a minor stir with the British papers.
Dressed only in a black bra and tiny denim shorts, Winehouse – sans her signature beehive – also revealed a bald patch and her efforts with an at-home hair dye kit on her bangs.
I like that face she’s making in the photo on the left. Like, if I were to guess what prompts her to make that face, I would say it was that a half shark-half man creature walked up to her and asked her if he she had a copy of the first season of Criminal Minds on dvd.
Also, why is every picture of Winehouse starting to look like the lost photo of Bigfoot? Is she that elusive? Can we not get a clear shot of her before she scurries back into the forest? Pretty soon, this will be every photo of her:
I’ve seen a couple bar fights in my day, and they usually consist of some shirt ripping, one partially landed punch, and a lot of angry guys both answering and asking questions using only the word “bro.” Never, ever, have I seen a bar fight like the one described here. People.com reports:
Troubled British singer Amy Winehouse has been arrested for an alleged assault.
A 38-year-old man filed a report stating he was “headbutted” by Winehouse after trying to hail her a cab at 3:20 a.m. on April 23. She also allegedly punched another man in the face and smoked drugs on the street.
So basically she beat the shit out of two dudes using a head butt and a punch and then after said dudes asses were kicked, she was like “f*&k, let’s smoke some crack and or a joint.” Dude, when I was in fourth grade and feeling the wrath of other kids due to my not losing my baby fat/my fat fat, I used to day dream of a scenario just like that one with me in place of winehouse, sans the drug smoking. (I think in my day dream I pulled out a capri sun after I was done, not sure).
Anyway, you have to admit, that’s a pretty bad ass move by her. That’s like out of a Van Damme movie. And not one of the shitty, late 90s, “I have to pay child support so I don’t read the script” Van Damme movies, I’m talking vintage VD. Winehouse should fill the void left by the artist formerly known as Steven Segal. Imagine Winehouse remaking BloodSport*:
*Hands down the worst photoshop I’ve ever done. Disturbingly awful.
I never thought I’d say this, but Amy Winehouse is super sexy now. Is she using a different eyeliner? Is it a new shampoo? Whatever it is, she looks like a new woman to me. And I like this one way more than the old one.
Hallo Govna! Sweep your chimney I will I will! Jesus, what an accent. Apparently she grew up in Oliver Twist’s orphanage. I have to fight the urge to serve her gruel and beat her with a ruler.
Amy Winehouse took home 5 Grammy awards on Sunday, winning every category she was up for. In related news, she also won 5 Crackies, an award given out by crack dealers world wide. I think it’s kind of rigged though. I mean, look at the trophy.
That one goes above the fireplace. Anyway, not everyone is happy about Amy winning a Grammy. People.com reports, artist Natalie Cole is not happy:
“I don’t think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people who are trying to get into this business, the ones who are trying to do it right and really trying to keep themselves together,” said Cole, 58. “We have to stop rewarding bad behavior.”
Oh, okay. Yes, let’s stop giving musicians that do drugs, awards. Here’s a list of every musician in the history of the Grammy Awards, who has won an award and NEVER done drugs.
If there was one reason to tune into the Grammy’s, it would’ve been to see an emaciated and obliterated Amy Winehouse stumble up to the podium and mumble something about how the carpet used to be a reindeer. But it looks like we won’t get that chance now. According to Celebritysmackblog:
The US Embassy has denied Amy Winehouse’s request for a visa, quashing her hopes of attending this weekend’s Grammy Awards.
Winehouse is said to be extremely disappointed that she will miss the event.
“Amy has been progressing well since entering a rehabilitation clinic two weeks ago and although disappointed with the decision has accepted the ruling and will be concentrating on her recovery,” the Outside Organization said.
As disappointed as she is claiming to be, she is nowhere near as devastated as I am. Can we please hook up a satellite feed or something? Maybe a needlecam? I will do whatever it takes to get this mid-meltdown weirdo junkie in front of millions of people.
Actors and musicians often times use their celebrity to make the world a better place. Bono is trying to stop world hunger. Angelina Jolie is working to eradicate poverty in third world countries, and now, Amy Winehouse is trying to save her favorite pub. People.com reports:
The rehabbing singer is pitching in to help preserve The George Tavern, one of her favorite London pubs.
Before she entered into a U.K. treatment center, the Grammy-nominee suggested selling t-shirts to campaign against a planned apartment development which, opponents say, will ruin the bar’s unusual 360-degree light.
First of all, I like how she campaigned to save her favorite pub to get wasted at, right before she went to rehab. It reminds me of when my brother told my family he was going to try and lose weight and then took a job at Cinn-A-Bon. Secondly, she’s not the first celebrity to sell t-shirts to raise money for a good cause. I just bought these from George Clooney, who’s raising money for the atrocities being commited in Darfur, as well as promoting the blu-ray release of two of his films. Poor taste Clooney. Poor taste.
The embarrassment of morning face can be, well, embarrassing. After waking up to a “disturbance” outside her house, the Daily Mail is reporting that Bobblehead Winehouse got up, decided to not put on a shirt, shoes or a feminine face and came strolling outside to see what was going on. According to her spokesperson:
“Amy was investigating a noise outside - which is why she wasn’t wearing any shoes, and was just in a bra and jeans with no make-up. Amy hadn’t been partying - she’d have been wearing make-up if she had been.”
If I looked like that everytime I wasn’t partying, I would strap a kegerator to my face 25 hours a day.
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