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Lego Makes Frightening Celebrity Lego People

Lego Makes Frightening Celebrity Lego People

Lego people are pretty awesome. They’re basically the only toy people that a)allow you to just remove their hair and b) always have their hands cupped in the jerking off position.  The latter provided me with literally hundreds of hours of e…

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Angelina Jolie Asks Porn Star For Career Advice

Angelina Jolie Asks Porn Star For Career Advice

Sometimes you’ll see a story that’s so clearly invented by a publicist and leaked in hopes of making their clients seem super “Hip” and “edgy” and “not shitty.” This is one of those stories. Celebsl…

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Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Have Baby, Will Show

Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Have Baby, Will Show

I love when people are like “Oh my God, you HAVE to see this picture of my baby,” and then they show me the picture and it’s just their baby, lying there.  This is not okay.  If a friend came up to  you and was like “Oh my G…

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Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie

Age: 33 Where you’ve seen her: Jesus, Angelina Jolie is just about everywhere. From her new crappy movie about assassins who can make bullets curve to breast feeding every orphan on the Serengeti, if you’ve been alive in the last five y…

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Jolie Hospital Room Pics Are Fake

Jolie Hospital Room Pics Are Fake

Apparently people thought the picture above was of a pregnant Angelina Jolie in her hospital room, very close to giving birth. I can’t understand how anyone thought that. To me it looks like this picture was snapped in New Orleans right aft…

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Angelina Jolie Wants You To Smell Like Her

Angelina Jolie Wants You To Smell Like Her

I think I smell pretty good. Like, if I were to rate how I smell on a scale of NBA power forwards, I would say my smell is the Kevin Garnett of smells: Most of the time really good, but any time there’s pressure, it gets bad and I have to h…

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Angelina Jolie Had Her Kids. Wait, No She Didn’t

Angelina Jolie Had Her Kids.  Wait, No She Didn’t

When I was in sixth grade, there was a rumor floating around that once when my Dad dropped me off at school, he parked and walked into the kindergarten bathrooms and used one of their tiny tiny toilets to take a shit, and subsequently plugged it up…

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Jolie-Pitt Kids May Be Terrified

Jolie-Pitt Kids May Be Terrified

When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad said my brothers would act as if they were pregnant, then my oldest brother would pretend to birth a throw pillow out of his shorts, while my other brother would grab the pillow and pretend to be the voice o…

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Angelina And Brad Take The Kids Boating

Angelina And Brad Take The Kids Boating

I remember once when I was 6, it was Sunday morning and my mom said to my dad, “I think the county fair is going on, you should take Justin out to see the horses.”  Apparently though, my dad’s interpretation of that was “I t…

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Brad And Angelina Most Influential Couple

Brad And Angelina Most Influential Couple

Time released it’s list of the world’s 100 most influential people, and the highest ranking couple on the list, coming in at #21, was Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  Here’s what George Clooney says about them: “they have tend…

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Jolie-Pitt Baby Pics Worth 10 Million?

Jolie-Pitt Baby Pics Worth 10 Million?

If I had 10 million dollars, there’s a lot of things I would buy; a monkey, a house, a house for the monkey, a mint chocolate chip ice cream factory. But I definitely wouldn’t spend any of my ten million on f-ing baby pictures. Nypost…

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