Timberlake Robbed By Kutcher?

When I was in third grade, I accidentally crapped my pants at recess. I quietly cleaned up and no one was the wiser. About a month later, this other kid crapped his pants at recess, and it ran down his leg and everyone was like, “oh my god, what is wrong with you? You’re disgusting.” Now I ask you, would it have made sense for me, at that moment, to say “Whoa whoa whoa, I WAS the first guy to crap their pants at recess, not this guy! I crapped mine at least a month ago.” No, it wouldn’t have because why the hell would I want to take credit for something completely humiliating and pathetic? I bring this up because basically Justin Timberlake is taking credit for being the first guy to crap his pants. People.com reports:

“It’s funny, I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible for trucker caps,” says Timberlake.

Timberlake maintains that he and best friend Trace Ayala – with whom he launched the William Rast denim line in 2005 – “were wearing them when we were seventeen.”

Um, what about f*&king truckers being responsible for trucker caps?  No?  That didn’t occur to him?  I guess he’s saying he made them popular, so thus, we have him to thank for the tidal wave of douchebaggery that accompanied said hats.  I think he should just come out and claim he started some other styles too.  I would love to hear him say “It’s funny, I keep hearing Osama Bin Laden say how he was responsible for the turban with the camo jacket look, I’ve been wearing that since N’Sync.”

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Ashton Kutcher So Hot Right Now

For the longest time I was trying to figure out exactly why Ashton Kutcher’s career seemed familiar.  Then I realized, he’s essentially the male Jenny McCarthy:  Really good looking to the point where every one is afraid to tell him that he’s not funny and really super annoying.  I can’t wait until he gets older and starts f-ing Jim Carrey and talking about Autism.  Now, before you say I’m just bitter, let’s clear something up.  Of course I’m bitter.  I’m a blogger who drives a shitty car and gets laid infrequently.  But I maintain that bitterness aside, he’s still a douche.  Listen to this quote from people.com:

On his decision to marry Demi Moore at age 27: “I’ve literally just been voted the world’s most eligible bachelor and I’m like, I’m going off the market.

I think we can all relate to that.  It’s like when I bought a brand new high speed blender that also acts as a food processor.  I totally could have banged several chicks because of it’s ability to make both salsa and organic fruit roll ups, but I stayed with my girlfriend.  Anyway, here’s another magazine cover I saw Ashton on.  I think it only comes out quarterly.  Enjoy:

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