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25 Signs Gypsies Stole Your Baby

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Thieving gypsy baby thieves thieving babies have been in the news a lot lately, even when they didn’t really steal a baby. As a public service, we’ll provide these signs to let you know gypsies are stealing babies from you, in case you weren’t sure…

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Oklahoma State Senator Likes To Imagine There Are Aborted Fetuses In Your Food

chili

For so many years we’ve assumed our favorite food brands were free of aborted human babies but they totally weren’t. And it took the tireless work of one senator to expose the truth and save us from living within a horrible Soylent Green-esque world…

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And This Is What The Joker Would Look Like If He Were A Creepy Baby Doll

Joker Baby Doll

Hey, remember how Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight was really creepy and unnerving? Yeah, well, now it’s a baby. Ha! Now try to get to sleep! We’re just layering creepy on top of creepy at this point because we’ve gotten tir…

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According To Science, WiFi Kills Sperm. To Put It Another Way, WiFi Is A Contraceptive

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If you and your lady have been trying to have a baby but your sperm just isn’t finding its way to the egg, then you should probably stop having sex while amid the invisible fog of your home’s WiFi connection and you should probably stop ejaculating…

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The Morning Jolt – Justin Bieber’s Official Response to the Baby Drama

The Morning Jolt – Justin Bieber’s Official Response to the Baby Drama

Our friend Ross is back delving into just how Justin Bieber feels about being accused of muddying a gene pool. This seems totally reasonable in every way.

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World’s Largest Sperm Bank No Longer Accepting Sperm From Redheads; No One Wants Ginger Babies

Sperm Cells

You want to know why people hate so called “gingers”, aka red heads? You really want to know? Here’s the answer: there is no reason. Sure, someone might give you a reason, but someone might also smear some fecal bacteria in your mouth — and b…

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New Zealand Is Trying To Cripple The internet’s Ability To Write Lazy Articles About Weird Baby Names

WeirdBaby

Go head. Type the words “weird baby names” in to Google and see what happens. If your search results are anything like mine, 0.16 seconds after you hit enter you will receive “about 6,230,000” links, all centered around the weird names parents have…

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Two Morons Name Their Child Like, In Honor Of The Facebook “Like” Button

Like Button

There are certain names that you never give a child unless you want them to be tormented for their entire life. If you name your kid Ephraim, you’re pretty much throwing in the towel for them, declaring that your child is most likely a mentally cha…

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Vladimir Putin Outlines His Plan To Increase Birthrates In Russia

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Hello, I Vladimir Putin, Priminister of Russia. I here to talk to you today about Russia and low birthrate. It appear that Russia have declining birthrate. Dis no good. Russian need many strong baby to hoist country up above all other country. Russ…

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Pondering The Potential Hilarity (and Tragedy) of This Car Getting In To an Accident

Pondering The Potential Hilarity (and Tragedy) of This Car Getting In To an Accident

Is it weird to think that this might be the only conceivable situation where a baby’s death might be hilarious? It would be tragic as all hell. That poor child’s life is drastically cut short by the stupidity of what I assume is its father, but wo…

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We Live In A World Where 10-Year-Olds Are Giving Birth

We Live In A World Where 10-Year-Olds Are Giving Birth

One thing we hear about every so often is some old lady with osteoporosis and cataracts squirting out a tiny human from her leathery vagina long after her junk should have gone bad. When we hear this we cringe and groan and think, “My God. Wh…

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