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A Brief History of Politicians Shamelessly Pandering to Young People

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Maybe the President could have appealed to those poor, oppressed college students of America in a more serious manner than going on a talk show, but-OOOOH CAT GIF BUZZFEED LIST KATE UPTON NUDES.

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Was Rick Santorum About To Say The N-Word?

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Just before I went to bed last night, I came across a minor news story that seemed like it could develop in to a major news story. Some are claiming that republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum may have used the N-word while talking about Bara…

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It’s That Time of Year When We Make Our Politicians Eat Phallic Foods

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We’ve finally reached that long awaited point in the political process were members of the media gather around a presidential candidate, not to hear them speak eloquent words on the state of the country, but to watch them cram phallic foods in thei…

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5 Ways Obama Can Spin the Death of Osama bin Laden into Kick Ass Approval Ratings

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If you went to bed early last night you might have missed the news from president Obama that some kick ass American spy-types totally whacked Osama bin Laden. 10 years after that magnificent asshat staged the September 11th attacks, we finally got…

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6 Problems We’ve Found On Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate

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President Barack Obama shocked birthers today by releasing his official long-form birth certificate in an attempt to silence those that believe, due to the murky circumstances surrounding his birth, that he was not a born in the United States, and …

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Five Signs That the Future Is Now

Five Signs That the Future Is Now

As a boy, I used to sit and ponder the future, and all the technological marvels that were in store. Well my friends, the future is now. With the exception of space travel and hover cars, we might as well be living in a god-damed “Jetsons epi…

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7 Celebrity TSA Body Scans

7 Celebrity TSA Body Scans

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is catching a lot of flack for its use of body scanners at airports. While the government claims the nearly naked images produced by the machines cannot be leaked to the public, privacy advocates are…

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5 People Obama Should Consider as a Running Mate for 2012

5 People Obama Should Consider as a Running Mate for 2012

In 2008, Barack Obama was on top of the world, and pundits were talking about a dramatic shift to the left in American politics. As it turns out, most of those pundits were *ssholes. If the presidential election were held tomorrow, Barry O. would g…

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Turning America Into an Islamofascist Theocracy is Harder Than I Thought

Turning America Into an Islamofascist Theocracy is Harder Than I Thought

By President Barack Hussein Obama Man, oh man; I thought this was going to be a walk in the park. Back in November, 2008, the country was mine for the taking. The press was with me, the people were with me, and as always, my secret cabal of Mujahed…

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The 6 Most Insane Rumors About Barack Obama

The 6 Most Insane Rumors About Barack Obama

Remember the last election? It was almost an inspiring time in America, unless you were a Republican, then it was like waking up and finding out you shat the bed. But for the rest of us, as Obama’s star kept rising and it became more and mo…

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The Obama Gulf Oil Spill Speech Translated for Idiots

The Obama Gulf Oil Spill Speech Translated for Idiots

  According to a recent report posted on CNN.com, President Obama’s recent address to the nation regarding the Gulf oil spill was written at a 10th grade level.  That’s a sophomore in high school, for those of you who didnR…

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