Let’s face it, baseball can be a slow-moving and tedious game to watch. If you’re, say, 18-months-old, it may be difficult to follow the mental chess-game that’s taking place on the field. Do you really expect a toddler comprehend the little nuances of a pitcher setting a batter up with a curveball so he can blow a fastball right by him? No. So the baby’s going to get a little bored. And what better way to kill a little boredom than by giving yourself a mohawk, chilling with the mascot and knocking back a few stadium brews.
Hmm, maybe this is why I turn into a loud-mouthed know-it-all after a 12 pack of Meister Brau. According to independent.co.uk:
Drinking too much wine damages the brain more than beer or spirits, scientists have discovered.
New research on the long-term effects of heavy drinking shows that one area of the brains of wine drinkers was smaller than that of other people studied who drank different drinks in greater amounts.
The ground-breaking study shows that the hippocampus, the part of the brain involved in memory, spatial tasks and many other functions, was more than 10 per cent smaller in those whose tipple was wine than in those who favoured beer.
As someone who drinks wine, beer, spirits and, occasionally Scotch Guard, I understood three words of that report. Well, back to Happy Hour.
In case you’re stupid, it’s St. Patrick’s Day this Monday. So who better to tell you how to properly enjoy Ireland’s finest export than Fergal Murray, Brewmaster of Guinness. If you’ve never had one, a pint of Guinness is a work of art. It’s not a beer to be “shotgunned” or “mainlined” or “freebased.” It is to be explored with all your senses. Oh, and since it has alcohol, you can also explore senses of “self confidence,” “self importance” and, finally, “self urination.”
While your enjoying a true and proper Guinness, go to Proposition317.com and sign a petition to make St. Patrick’s Day a national holiday. What, like you’d rather go to work? Slainte!
Cub fan and raging alcoholic Harry Caray was known to enjoy himself an ice cold beer or 20 from time to time. So, to honor his crippling addiction, his restaurant toasted him last night with a record breaking 100 gallon glass of beer.
The 4 foot tall hexagonal glass with a handle and spigot (for serving) will weigh 1,000 pounds when full.
When Harry’s widow Dutchie Caray heard about the record breaking beer, she laughed saying “100 gallons? Is that all? Harry would have considered that an after dinner drink.”
Harry estimated that he consumed over 73,000 Budweiser’s and 300,000 alcoholic beverages throughout his lifetime.
Holy shit! 73,000 Budweisers? That would mean Harry would’ve had a 12-pack a night for 16 and a half years straight. And 300,000 drinks? I’m not even going to do the math on that one. Harry, you are a true American. I salute you and your insatiable thirst for alcohol.
Everyone knows that beer is great. But sometimes the slogans used to sell it are even better.
10. Blatz - How Mother and Baby “Picked Up”
This advertisement actually says, “A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits.” If a baby ever “picked up” a case of Blatz and came over to my house, I would definitiley help him participate in its benefits.
9. Schlitz - The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous
If Milwaukee is famous for the notorious swill that is Schlitz, maybe they should throw a few tax dollars into building a huge cheese statue or an oversized sausge replica–anything to put their name on the map for any other reason. Being famous for Schlitz is up there with being famous for dandruff.
8. Red Stripe - Hooray Beer!
Screw the cutesy little slogans, the rhymes and the alliteration. Red Stripe breaks it down to the basest emotion you have for beer. After three or four brewskis the little man in your brain isn’t thinking about problems at work, your mortgage payment or the fact that your wife doesn’t find you attractive anymore. He’s just dancing around in his boxers and yelling, “Hooray Beer!” Continue reading…
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