Rolling Stone this week released an article about the downfall of Britney Spears, according to people.com. Here’s some of the revelations:
When she was a teen, her mom let her have breast implants.
Surprising, but not totally shocking.
Her dad was an alcoholic
That was shocking much in the same way the ending of Pearl Harbor was shocking.
Through out her career she lobbied to appear sluttier
Great, when she was hot no one would let her appear slutty. Now she looks likes a cross between an inflatable raft and a can of Pringles and nobody says shit when she dresses like a Croation hooker.
She reportedly slept with dancer Wade Robson
Excuse me, what? WHAT?! WADE F-ING ROBSON the competitive dancer?! You’re telling me, when she was smoking hot and she could bang anyone she wanted to, she banged this guy?!:
He looks like someone with cerebral palsy trying to shake a dump out of their pants. I bet even Spencer Pratt thinks Wade Robson is a douchebag. I hate everyone.
I think we finally found the reason behind Britney’s erratic behavior. She’s not crazy. She’s crazy for meth. According to the National Enquirer:
Britney Spears had been on a 24-hour meth binge before she was rushed to the hospital. The drama began at 2 a.m. Wednesday when Britney and Sam Lutfi checked into the Beverly Hills Hotel and she began doing meth.
In addition to her mental problems the ENQUIRER has learned that Britney is addicted to crystal meth, and details her addiction in a front page story this week. Meanwhile, her meth habit played a key role in her recent hospitalization and friends told her mother, Lynne, that she hadn’t slept since last Saturday.
Her drug-taking went on all day, interrupted only by brief dashes to her home.
What’s she going to do next? Start chugging horse tranquilizers while shooting speedballs at Chuck E. Cheese? Actually…that sounds like a perfect Saturday. I’ll brb.
So, we’ve refrained a bit from posting non-stop Britney stories mostly because their headlines are as stupid as this one. But something about this story struck me as retarded.
With pup London in hand, Britney Spears headed to the millennium Dance Complex in North Hollywood on Sunday night to work on a new routine, owner Robert Baker tells PEOPLE.
“She’s working on the choreography for her song “Hot as Ice,” Baker said.
“Hot as Ice?” But ice isn’t hot. In fact, it’s really cold. Wait, maybe that’s what she’s trying to say, that some things are sooo cold, that they’re hot. Like dry ice. Or maybe things that are hot at first turn cold? Dude, I don’t even know, my head is going to explode just thinking about this. This is some next level stuff right here. So, already I’m blown away reading that, and then I read this:
“She rehearsed an amazing routine with a chair,” Baker added.
That’s right, not a really good routine, or an exceptional routine, but an amazing routine. Think about that people. When you see a man lift up a car to pull out the person pinned inside, you say, “That was amazing.” That’s how good this chair routine was: “dude lifting ten times his body weight to rescue someone” amazing. Which means, there’s only one routine it could have been: Britney ate the chair.
According to usmagazine.com, Britney Spears spent the last few days in Rosarito, Mexico with her new rented penis, photographer Adnan Ghalib.
The couple arrived in a black SUV at the Rosarito Beach hotel, just south of the Border, at about 3 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Ensenada, mex., newspaper, El Vigia.
“She looked serious and haggard,” a sales clerk told the paper in Spanish. “She didn’t have makeup on.”
Zing! Someone get this sales clerk his own blog! Maybe he can take the url “www.QueTylerDurdenHacen.com.”
If you’ve never been to Rosarito, Mexico, let me describe to you what it’s like: picture a beach, then picture a frat guy throwing up on it while some dude tries to sell him a ceramic Bart Simpson. If you’d like to book a vacation package, visit www.rosarito.org
Yawwwwnnn…um Britney Spears was…siiiighh…rushed to the hospital after a three hour showdown with her….(streeeeetch) ex-husband Kevin Federline. She was reportedly on some sort of…yaaawwwn…drugs. Or something. So, basically, I’m just letting you know that Britney Spears life hasn’t changed at all since the last time you heard about her.
According to Defamer.com, they received an anonymous tip that the following casting notice has been sent out to all the fit little females in Hollywood.
So here is a little casting that my agency has posted! Proof that nothing is as it seems in Hollywood:
Photo double / Female / Caucasian / 18 - 25 /
We are casting for a Britney Spears body double for her Blender Magazine photoshoot. You must have shoulder to medium length blonde hair.
This person must also be in shape! 5′2″ to 5′5″. This will be a take off of a Bert Stern photograph of Marilyn Monroe in bed, from the last shoot before her death. Your face will not be shown in the final photograph/cover. You will just be her toned-fit body”
If this unsubstantiated casting is real, we shouldn’t just let self-destructing Spears have all the fun. Hey Blender, if you need any help photoshopping Owen Wilson’s head onto Kurt Cobain’s body, just let me know.
Debate season is in full swing, so we thought it would be a good time to take a look back at some of the most notable blunders in presidential debate history.
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