How To: Call In Sick to Work

Basically, work sucks. So here’s a step-by-step guide for calling in “sick.” Use it when you’re too lazy to get up, hung-over, or would rather watch re-runs of Mr. Belvedere.

1) PICK THE DAY
The ideal situation is when you know which day you want to take off. Think of it as a nice mini-vacation. You don’t go to Rome without an itinerary, do you? Decide which day you want (Tuesday-Thursday works best), make sure you don’t have any crazy important meetings, and schedule a night out with your friends ASAP.

2) CHOOSE YOUR AILMENT
Do you think Johnny Depp just walked onto the Pirates of the Caribbean set without hanging out with some one-eyes? No. An actor doesn’t go into a role without researching his character. Same goes for picking an illness. You’ll want to research the symptoms, know the recovery time (you might be able to buy two or three days off from this), recognize the medications, and start faking. Here’s a list of common ailments that will buy you some time off of work without getting you fired:

Pink Eye
Vomiting/Stomach Flu
Ear infection
Strep Throat
Sprained Ankle*
Flu/Fever

*Requires accessory
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