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25 Things No One Wants for Christmas


Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat and I have no pennies for that old man’s hat. Why? Because I’ve been buying overpriced shit like fashion turtles and Marxist philosophy textbooks for people on my Christmas list

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The Morning Jolt: Victoria’s Other Secret


It was the spin after the toilet that sold me on this video.

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5 Movie Scenes that Best Represent the Holiday Season


Christmas is over for another year but lest we forget what we love about the holidays, let’s enjoy these stellar movie scenes that really cut to the heart of what we all love about the holidays. Be you Christian, Jew, Muslim or wrong, we can all agr…

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The Fleshlight Box Incident: Christmas Time


Grandma called again since it’s Christmas. Here it is for your enjoyment.

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The 25 Best Things About Krampus


Are you familiar with Krampus? Our Alpine friends cooked him up as a sort of counter to Saint Nicholas. He’s basically a Christmas monster that shows up and punishes bad kids and if they’re particularly bad, they get stuffed in his sack and taken …

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How to Be a Mall Santa


So you’ve decided to be society’s version of herpes, good for you! Now is the season when mall Santas are in higher demand than ever because early June mall Santas are usually serial killers who are actually volunteers more often than not. Many po…

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Twas the Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web The trolls were a-tweeting trying to bait a celeb The Redditors were clicking their blue links with glee And online pornographers kept posting videos of pee

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Holy Taco’s Holiday Hootenanny


Christmas is almost here unless you’re a heathen in which case nothing is almost here. Nothing. Just another day of you frowning. Why so sad, heathen? That’s what happy people will say. Then, before you can answer, they’ll skip away and forget …

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The Holy Taco 2012 Gift Guide


It’s December and that means you need to buy shit. Have you bought shit yet? You better buy shit. Unless you’re not Christian in which case as you were. But know that Jesus is super disappointed in you.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: Special Suck Edition


I looked at everything that opened this week and it sucks hard. Like super hard. Instead of reviewing all these movies that no one is going to see because of how shitty they are I am now going to review Holiday Movies I Have Seen but that No One E…

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25 Things Chris Brown Wants for Christmas


As you know, Chris Brown and I are buddies on Twitter. Which is to say I make fun of him a lot and he presumably has no idea I exist. But I only do it because he’s such a terrible person. He is. Objectively. Because of this relationship we have…

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