We all know Bill O’Reilly as the fuzzy, cuddly little bear that loves interacting with those around him. Normally he treats everyone with the utmost respect and dignity. Hell, sometimes I just want to crawl up onto his lap and tell him of my hopes and dreams. But that makes this video of Big Bad Bill screaming at his producer so out of character. Maybe he just hadn’t had his morning coffee yet. Or maybe he needed a nap. Or, on second thought, maybe he is a raving lunatic who melts down at the smallest provocation. Either way, I’m going to watch this video 400 times today. Maybe you should, too.
Remember when the first USA Dream Team roster was released and we found out that Jordan and Bird were going to be on the same basketball team? Well, this is kind of like that, except replace basketball with being batshit crazy. People.com reports:
Mel Gibson and Britney Spears have met a number of times since Spears checked out from her second hospitalization last month, a source tells PEOPLE.
“Mel and his wife Robin clearly saw a woman in crisis and wanted to extend themselves in any way possible,” the source says.
Britney and Mel hanging out and chatting? Man, if only I could be a non-appetizing looking, non-Jewish fly on the wall for that conversation. I would imagine it would go something like this:
MEL:Hey Britney, how are you feeling?
BRITNEY:I’m feeling well. Is that your dog? I’d like to try and fit him in my anus and then sing the national anthem. If that’s okay with you of course.
MEL:Sure, that’s not even my dog, it’s my neighbors. I agreed to watch him because I know he’s actually a key agent taking part in a global Jewish conspiracy. I was just going to kill him and eat his soul in a few hours anyway.
BRITNEY:Then it works out perfect!
MEL and BRITNEY:We’re going to be great friends!
(They stare at each other silently for 10-15 minutes)
I’m looking forward to this pairing. And to commemorate it, I’ve added one of my top ten movie quotes of all time. Enjoy.
Cruise recently accepted the Freedom Medal of Valor award at an International Association of Scientologists Event.
The Freedom Medal of Valor award? What the hell kind of name is that? It’s like they filled out a fucking mad libs. In fact, here, you can make your own award using this:
The (Noun)(Type of Award) of (Adjective) Award
I came up with “The Butthole Trophy of Magnificent Award.” I’m not sure why, but I’m going to give it to Rebbeca Romijn-Stamos.
When Cruise accepts the award, he goes on to say:
“Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident…you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.”
Really? What the fuck am I doing calling triple AAA then when I get a flat tire? Do Scientologists give me the first seven miles of towing free also?
“Look, I wish the world was a different place. I’d like to go on vacation and go and romp and play and just do that, you know what I mean.”
Romp and play? Apparently Tom Cruise thinks he’s a nymph in a Greek Myth. I’d say he’s now officially, “don’t turn your back to him or he might hump/bite you” crazy. Still though, love that Jerry Maguire movie.
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
(98)
