crime Archives » Holytaco

The Worst Thing Ever

I want you to look at something and know that it’s not my fault. I didn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this. But it’s a thing that happened and I never knew about it until just now, two years after the fact. Just look.

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25 Ways the Story of an Amish Guy Who Sexted a 12 Year Old Could Have Been Weirder

posted 06/23/2011
by Ian Fortey

So an Amish dude was sexting a 12 year old girl. He agrees to meet her and actually shows up in a horse-drawn carriage. Because he’s Amish. Then it turns out it was a sting and he gets arrested and no little girls actually have to see a barn get r…

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The Food of Hate: 6 People who Turned Food into Weapons

posted 05/27/2011
by Ian Fortey

The Food of Hate: 6 People who Turned Food into Weapons

You know what’s funny? Beating people with sausages and stuff. Wish I knew why.

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How to Prepare for Your Appearance on COPS

posted 05/16/2011
by Ian Fortey

So you’ve decided you’re going to be on COPS! Good for you! Everybody wants to be famous, but most of us have no discernible talent to get us to that point. Luckily, some years ago, crafty Hollywood types realized this and invented reality TV, a…

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12 Deviant Days of Christmas: 12 Arrested Santas

posted 12/14/2010
by Ian Fortey

12 Deviant Days of Christmas: 12 Arrested Santas

Holy Taco is ringing in the 12 Days of Christmas by counting down some of the best of the deranged the holiday season has to offer. And on the 12th day of Christmas we gave to you 12 arrested Santas.

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Colorado Zombie Cops: The Reckoning

posted 10/01/2010
by

Late 2010. The days grow shorter and the air holds a bitter chill. And here, in Colorado, the end has already begun. It started here. And for many, it ends here. Brandon Duke blew the whistle, but it was too late, and the powers that be would h…

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The 14 Biggest Pitfalls of Drug Trafficking

posted 09/15/2010
by

No one at Holy Taco is particularly experienced in drug pushing. One of our interns got suspended in 8th grade for trading Flintstone vitamins for half of another kid’s Lunchables, but that’s about it. Unless you count pot as a drug,…

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Online Sperm Banks May Not be Trustworthy

posted 09/14/2010
by

You may need to sit down with a cup of tea and a good friend to handle the shock of this, but it turns out that some of your favorite online sperm banks may not be totally on the up and up. We know, you’re thinking “whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?&rd…

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The Upside of Being Homeless

posted 09/02/2010
by

With roughly five-to-six hundred thousand people living on the streets, homelessness is no laughing matter. Well, that’s not completely true. Anytime you see a grown man walking around with his pants full of poo, you’re bound to get a c…

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If Vegas Escort Ads Were Accurate

posted 09/01/2010
by

Anyone who has been to Vegas is familiar with the abundance of escort advertisements plastered around the city. From immigrants handing out cards on the street to the mobile billboards driving up and down the strip, no other town in the U.S. is so …

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How to BS Your Way to Booty

posted 08/30/2010
by

If you thought there was absolutely nothing interesting going on in North Dakota, you were right. That’s what makes this ridiculous story so hard to believe. Ryne Anderson broke up with a girl and then, over the course of a few months, sent…

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The Worst Thing Ever

25 Ways the Story of an Amish Guy Who Sexted a 12 Year Old Could Have Been Weirder

The Food of Hate: 6 People who Turned Food into Weapons

How to Prepare for Your Appearance on COPS

12 Deviant Days of Christmas: 12 Arrested Santas

Colorado Zombie Cops: The Reckoning

The 14 Biggest Pitfalls of Drug Trafficking

Online Sperm Banks May Not be Trustworthy

The Upside of Being Homeless

If Vegas Escort Ads Were Accurate

How to BS Your Way to Booty

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