April 14th, 2008 | 12:32

For the longest time I was trying to figure out exactly why Ashton Kutcher’s career seemed familiar. Then I realized, he’s essentially the male Jenny McCarthy: Really good looking to the point where every one is afraid to tell him that he’s not funny and really super annoying. I can’t wait until he gets older and starts f-ing Jim Carrey and talking about Autism. Now, before you say I’m just bitter, let’s clear something up. Of course I’m bitter. I’m a blogger who drives a shitty car and gets laid infrequently. But I maintain that bitterness aside, he’s still a douche. Listen to this quote from people.com:
On his decision to marry Demi Moore at age 27: “I’ve literally just been voted the world’s most eligible bachelor and I’m like, I’m going off the market.
I think we can all relate to that. It’s like when I bought a brand new high speed blender that also acts as a food processor. I totally could have banged several chicks because of it’s ability to make both salsa and organic fruit roll ups, but I stayed with my girlfriend. Anyway, here’s another magazine cover I saw Ashton on. I think it only comes out quarterly. Enjoy:

Ashton Kutcher, douche




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