Kelly Osbourne is either doing an awesome impersonation of a wasted mummy…or she’s just totally wasted. And from what the Sun UK says, it looks like it’s the latter:
“…Kelly then needed a helping hand from her PA and a wall to find her way to a taxi. A club source said: “She was knocking back the Treasure Chest cocktails all night. No wonder Kerry was looking a little spaced out.” Treasure Chests are a potent combination of brandy and peach liqueur topped with a bottle of champagne.”
You know what they say: Like father like daughter who looks like her father.
Chances are you’re on your way to a New Year’s party this weekend. Instead of bringing a boring old bottle of Cristal, pour out a few of these and you’ll be the belle of the ball—or at least slightly more desirable after midnight.
Sam Adams Utopia What is it: The most expensive and strongest beer in the world. Tasting note: Instead of a regular beer, this tastes more like a cognac or brandy. At 27% alcohol by volume, this isn’t something you chug with your pals. You sip it with your dad. Say this to sound smart: “The hints of toffee, raisins and plums are reminiscent of a fine port or brandy.” Say this to sound stupid: “Beer beer beer!” Price: $120
The Patriots might be coached by the boringest weirdo alive and quarterbacked by the boringest sex machine alive, but that doesn’t stop their fans from making this historic season interesting. Let’s check out some highlights from a recent BostonChannel.com report:
As stunned bystanders watched, a Patriots fan on his way into Gillette Stadium for Sunday’s game leapt off an overpass and fell 17 feet onto the pavement below.
“He thought he was going to land in a snow bank,” said one witness to the incident.
“All of a sudden he jumped. He was screaming on the way down, then he was silent,” said another witness.
Police are investigating whether alchohol was involved.
“He definitely had something to drink. I think he had a great deal to drink,” said a man who witnessed the incident.
This news report makes me want to do two things: 1) Drink. 2) Root for the Patriots. 3) Drink some more.
Congratulations Pats fans. You’ve got one more member of the Belichick Brigade. (Just please don’t invite him to any of the meetings.)
The Chicago Bears new starter tells you how to put hair on your face.
We knew Kyle Orton was good at drinking. And we knew Kyle Orton was good at holding a clipboard. But Orton’s true calling in life will be on full display for the entire nation this week when he goes against the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football. I’m talking, of course, about that dead raccoon-like tuft of hair on his face known in most circles as a “neck beard.”
This fearless reporter caught up with Mr. Orton and got some insights into the glamorous world of beard growing. Here’s what the back-up to Rex Grossman’s back-up had to say.
Tip One: “Don’t shave.”
Those are Orton’s exact words. Maybe this isn’t going to be as hard as we thought.
Tip Two: Keep your (scraggly) chin up
“Don’t listen to the doubters,” Orton says. “And there will be many.” During his early stages of scruff, his nappy neck hair drew numerous insults from teammates in the locker room. Our tip: every time a friend uses the word “pubes” to describe your facial hair, replace it with “awesome” and convince yourself everybody thinks you look great.
In an exclusive interview with ABC News, President Bush said that if he didn’t stop getting totally housed on the booze, he probably wouldn’t be president right now. Hmm, maybe he’s smarter than everyone gives him credit for:
“I doubt I’d be standing here if I hadn’t quit drinking whiskey, and beer and wine and all that,” the president disclosed Tuesday to ABC News’ Martha Raddatz during an exclusive tour of the White House residence.
“I wasn’t a knee-walking drunk,” Bush said. “It’s a difficult thing to do, which is to kick an addiction.”
“Alcohol can compete with your affections. It sure did in my case,” Bush said, “affections with your family, or affections for exercise.”
Did he just say “affections for exercise”? I only say stupid shit like that after I’ve had six or seven Irish Car Bombs. If you’d like to see what the Prez was like back when he was on the sauce, put on your beer goggles and watch the video below:
The embarrassment of morning face can be, well, embarrassing. After waking up to a “disturbance” outside her house, the Daily Mail is reporting that Bobblehead Winehouse got up, decided to not put on a shirt, shoes or a feminine face and came strolling outside to see what was going on. According to her spokesperson:
“Amy was investigating a noise outside - which is why she wasn’t wearing any shoes, and was just in a bra and jeans with no make-up. Amy hadn’t been partying - she’d have been wearing make-up if she had been.”
If I looked like that everytime I wasn’t partying, I would strap a kegerator to my face 25 hours a day.
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