If you really break it down, penises are far, far inferior to vaginas. Let me explain that statement by referencing the original cast of Beverly Hills 90210. See, a penis is like Brian Austin Green’s character “David Silver.”: Sort of weird looking and nobody is ever really that eager to hang around them unless they’re drunk at a party. Whereas a Vagina is like Luke Perry’s character “Dylan McKay”: Kind of mysterious and once you spend time with them you tend to find yourself doing crazy things like missing work and totaling your car. So, if you remember that, it’s no surprise when someone like Eliot Spitzer ruins his entire life and career to put his David Silver in her Dylan McKay. Until now, all we really knew about Ashley Dupre was from a horrible song she recorded. Now she’s starting to break her silence. People.com reports:
Ashley Dupré is speaking out for the first time since the New York prostitution scandal.
“Thank you all so much for taking the time to send me a bit of strength and inspiration via e-mail or comment.
“And to all the not so kind words … I love you too, because it makes me push myself and want it even more. ‘Hard times don’t last … only strong people.
Wow. She seems to have a pretty good attitude about the whole “everyone calling her a whore” thing. I got called a “stinky homo” in ninth grade and I swear to God if I see that kid this year at my ten year reunion I’m going to definitely…say hello to him and ask him what’s he’s been up to lately. God I hate being a pussy.
As for Spitzer, he’s managed to make himself disappear so I’m sure he’s not happy when she’s releasing statements. I think he’s consulted an expert in the field of keeping a low profile. Take a look:
Let’s see…Ashley Dupre…that name rings a bell doesn’t it? Was she that old woman who sued McDonald’s after their coffee burned her? No, that’s not her. Was she that big-breasted woman who used to run on the field at baseball games and rub her massive mams on the players? Hmmm, no, I don’t think so. Ooooooh, now I remember. She was that overpriced call girl who had unprotected sex with the married governor who ran on a platform of high morals and ethics. That’s right, that’s where I know her from. Well, here she is in a bikini.
Eliot Spitzer can not be satisfied by just one prostitute. No no friends, as Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock would say “It takes two to make a thing go right.” Nypost.com reports:
Disgraced former Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been identified as a long-standing client of a second high-priced call-girl ring, The Post has learned.
The ex-governor regularly patronized Wicked Models, the Manhattan-based operation taken down Tuesday, according to financial documents and other evidence unearthed in a yearlong prostitution investigation, law-enforcement sources said.
Man, he must have really pissed off someone. They’re like “No, screw him, let’s find all his prostitutes and reveal them right as the furor from the first prostitute starts to die down.”
So who is this new girl? That’s her pictured above.
At the center of the new ring is Kristin “Billie” Davis, a busty bottle blonde who hails from a rough-and-tumble California trailer park. She has a reputation for hard-partying, shameless self-promotion and a rumored 10,000-name-long client list.
Shameless self promotion? How else are you supposed to be a successful hooker? My parents have always said, “If you become a hooker and you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.” As for the 10,000, yes that’s impressive. I feel I can confidently call her the Brett Favre of prostitution.
Why did Eliot Spitzer feel the need to drop $4,100 on two hours with a prostitute? What kind of sex could possibly cost that much? To get these answers, I went right to the source and talked to Dennis Hof, owner of the world famous Bunny Ranch in Carson City, and Brooke Taylor, one of the ranch bunnies. If anyone knows why a prostitute would cost so much, it’s Dennis.
Why would someone pay $4,100 for a prostitute? Dennis Hof: My guess is that he’s really kinky. Straight sex isn’t that expensive. They start charging more when you want double back flips with a twist and anal. One very important aspect of this whole story is that he made her take the train. He probably wanted her to bring handcuffs, restraints, cattle prods…who knows.
But I guarantee the reason she took the train was because she had things that she couldn’t take on a plane. Have you ever tried to get a pair of handcuffs or a cattle prod through airport security? It’s not easy.
Brooke Taylor: Men in power fantasize about relinquishing that power. The Alpha Male like Spitzer doesn’t usually go for the regular sex. If you’re willing to pay $4,100 for two hours, you’re limited only by your imagination. If you’re with a girl that you click with, you can get anything you want.
So, the reason he had to spend so much was because he wanted kinky sex? DH: As with anything, some girls are more expensive. If she’s a porn star or somehow famous, then she’s much more expensive, but it’s clear the Governor’s prostitute is just a regular girl. For $4,100 you could get 10 bunnies and a bottle of champagne at my ranch.
I bet the more he kept getting into it, the kinkier he needed the sex to be. Did he have a rape fantasy? Did he want to choke her? Did he want her to choke him? This is the kind of stuff you get into at that price.
BT: The powerful men I’ve known usually want to give that power up. That coupled with the high price he paid–I wouldn’t be surprised if he had her using things like handcuffs, hog ties, rope, ankle cuffs, ball gags or penis leashes.
Penis leashes are great for making sure your penis doesn’t run away. DH: I just talked to Joe Francis (of Girls Gone Wild) and he said he has tons of video of this girl. I offered her $250,000 to come work at the Bunny Ranch so the world can experience what the governor experienced. But, I’m also offering Spitzer a VIP Governor Booty Pass so he can reunite with her back here at the ranch where it’s legal and he wouldn’t have to deal with the criminal side of prostitution. Here it’s legal so he wouldn’t have to drag his wife and family to a press conference when he was finished.
If you ran for governor, I would vote for you.
Dennis Hof and his Bunny Ranch will be featured on 20/20 and Dateline this Friday. Watch it, then pay Mr. Hof a visit the next time you’re in Las Vegas. Your genitals will thank you.
Covering the “whores who had sex with governors” beat is a lot busier than I had expected. In addition to having sexual congress with New York’s ex-governor, our girl Ashley Dupre (aka Spitzer’s Swallower) apparently appeared in one of the illustrious Girls Gone Wild videos back in 2003. Click here to see a short clip of her dancing around in a bikini.
There’s no nudity, but if you’re at work and your boss is the kind of person who says stuff like, “I don’t pay you to watch short videos of girls dancing around in their bikinis. Now go fax yourself.” then maybe you shouldn’t watch this if he’s looking over your shoulder. If he’s not the kind of person who says that stuff, then I suggest you watch it immediately.
A lot of things can drive a person towards becoming a prostitute. One of them is having to listen to this God awful song more than once. I listened to half of it and considered auctioning off my butthole on ebay to pay for that surgery that Arnold Schwarzenegger got in Total Recall just to erase the memory of this song. Spitzer’s girl is the one wearing the black tank top with the dark hair. Again, I must say, I think she’s attractive. But I might only think that because I was distracted by the intensity and passion of the rapping going on. Or maybe it was the fact that this video looks like it was shot on a camera phone that was covered in bird shit. Hard to say.
When I heard Eliot Spitzer paid $4,100 dollars an hour for his hooker, I thought that was a lot of money to pay for a hooker. You could buy a 2002 Hyundai Accent for that much. Although I think it’s probably more socially acceptable to pay for a hooker than to drive an ’02 Hyundai. Anyway, now there’s a new girl on the market, but she’s way pricier. Usmagazine.com reports:
A man from the U.K. placed a winning eBay bid of $40,100 to join her at the L.A. premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You this June.
I was shocked when I first heard about this, but $40,000?! I hope to God he at least does the penis in the popcorn bag trick. Alright, these prices are getting out of control. This is like when A-Rod got $250 million dollars from the Texas Ragners. It just threw shit out of whack. So, once and for all, I’m going to set prices for this kind of stuff. See the chart below, I think you’ll find it hopeful.
This, my friends, is “Kristen,” a.k.a the alleged call girl New York Governor Eliot Spitzer allegedly paid $4,100 dollars to bang for one hour. Now, I look at this picture and think, “Would I pay $4,100 dollars to bang this woman for an hour?” No, because I’d last anywhere from 5-10 minutes, meaning I’d be paying $4,100 dollars to sit next to her in dead silence for 50-55 minutes, every once in a while attempting to stop the awkwardness by saying stuff like, “So, do you watch Lost? No? It’s pretty good.”
That doesn’t mean she’s not sexy. But men pay to have sex with her, which is sort of creepy. I saw Indecent Proposal, I know how this shit goes down. But either way, it’s not up to me, my friends, its up to you. So I ask you, in the midst of this scandal, the most important question: Is Spitzer’s whore creepy….or sexy?
It seems that if you’re a politician, you can steal money, screw over tax payers, give kickbacks to your friends, and generally be a horrible human being, and no one gives a shit. But if you pay for sex, well, you better get your wife by your side and give a speech apologizing to everyone.
New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (pictured here directly after a member of the press corp asked him how large his penis was) has been caught in a illegal prostitution ring. The New York Times reports:
Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been caught on a federal wiretap arranging to meet with a high-priced prostitute at a Washington hotel last month, according to a person briefed on the federal investigation.”
The governor learned that he had been implicated in the prostitution probe when a federal official contacted his staff last Friday, according to the person briefed on the case.
That was most likely an awkward phone call. “Hey, um, can I speak to Governor Spitzer?” “What’s this regarding?” “Oh, um, the hooker he purchased a few nights ago?”
First of all, at least he’s paying for high priced prostitutes. That stimulates the economy. It’s trickle down, people. Pay the whores, the whores use the money to buy whatever it is that whores buy, the dollar grows strong again, and the savings goes to your pocket. The man’s just doing his job. Anyway, here’s a clip from his press conference today when he apologized for banging a whore.
Everybody loves a good photo of a Celebrity before they were famous. But sometimes those photos reveal a deep dark secret about them. Here’s 7 Celebrities who have secrets you will NOT believe. Because we photoshopped them.
(8)
