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The 6 Times You Actually Need a Cell Phone

Breakfast

It’s 2012 and people in 3rd world countries who can’t afford clean water or food have cell phones. There are people, right now, flopping poop patties into rusted wheelbarrows talking on their cell phones to guys the next country over who are unload…

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The Traumatizing Stages of an Emergency Number-Two

bathroom

Let’s get really immature here: taking a nice, relaxing number-two in your own home is one of the great small, daily joys in life. In our own homes, around everything that makes us comfortable, that’s where we drop our best deuces. When we’re away …

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9 Funny 911 Calls

9 Funny 911 Calls

911 dispatch is the core of our law enforcement system, and it’s helped billions of people over its 41-year existence. One major complaint from 911 operators, though, is that the service is so often under-utilized.  People only call for r…

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A Flowchart To Determine If You Should Call 911

A Flowchart To Determine If You Should Call 911

Being in an emergency situation is incredibly stressful and confusing.  It’s like having sex with a girl who’s way too hot to be banging you, except without as much screaming and crying.  Luckily, flowcharts were invented to he…

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It’s A McNugget Emergency!

It’s A McNugget Emergency!

  If you work at a McDonald’s and you take someone’s McNugget order, but you have no McNuggets…well, you should probably go to jail. According to TheSmokingGun.com: MARCH 3–Angered that her local McDonald’s was ou…

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