Jamie Lynn Spears Engaged

If you’re scoring at home on your white trash checklist for Jamie Lynn Spears, go ahead and cross off “getting engaged at 16.” Usmagazine.com reports:

Jamie Lynn Spears and boyfriend Casey Aldridge out and about in Kentwood, Louisiana on February 10, 2008.
INFphoto.comPregnant 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears and boyfriend Casey Aldridge are engaged, his cousin, Tina Robinson, confirms to Usmagazine.com.

“He proposed a few days ago, and she accepted,” Robinson tells Us.

I wonder if Spears family has a weekly meeting where the mom stands in front of a white board and the following occurs:

MOM SPEARS: Okay, what are we doing this week to make us more white trash?

BRITNEY: Well, I was thinking of leaving my house wearing a see-through top and no bra and just walking aimlessly down the street.

MOM SPEARS: Good, good. Jamie Lynn?

JAMIE LYNN: (Thinking) Slaughter a pig in the middle of the promenade mall?

MOM SPEARS: Hmmm, no, we don’t want them PETA folk on us.

DAD SPEARS: How about she announces she’s gettin’ engaged even though she’s only 16, and then I’ll announce I’m gonna buy her a car with my Marlboro points.

MOM SPEARS: I like it. Cept you already used your Marlboro points on that kayak we used for firewood.

Anyway, here’s a photoshop rendering of what Jamie Lynn will look like in three years. Check it after the jump:

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Scarlett Johansson Won’t Have Sex With You Now

If you figured Scarlett Johansson was sad and alone and that you were the one who would sweep her off her feet…well you’re a retard if you thought that. According to HollywoodRag.com she is now engaged to Ryan Reynolds:

The ‘Lost in Translation’ actress, who has been dating Ryan for almost a year, is said to be smitten with the ‘Smokin’ Aces’ star and has accepted his marriage proposal.

A source said: “We can expect an engagement announcement from Ryan and Scarlett any day now. They are very much in love and have decided to take the next step. Scarlett is thrilled!”

But, with every story there is a silver lining. At least you won’t have to…um, I mean, there’s always…nope. Sorry, this story pretty much sucks all around. Congratulations Ryan. I definitely hope you don’t suffer a non-lethal, but serious injury that horribly disfigures your face.

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