food – Holytaco

5 Toppings I Never Want to See on a Burger

Burgers are awfully close to the world’s most awesome food. There’s tacos, there’s wings, there’s properly made barbecue and there’s burgers. Yes these are all meats because as much as I enjoy a nice cherry, it ain’t meat. Something needs to no l…

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5 Foods I Don’t Want to Eat from Etsy

posted 03/21/2013
by Ian Fortey

Did I just write a whole week’s worth of food related articles for some reason? Yes I did. Go with it. Everyone eats, it’s relatable. That said, I found myself on Etsy looking for some crocheted nut warmers today and ran afoul of their food sect…

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The Krazy Kraft Kuisine Kontrivance

posted 03/20/2013
by Ian Fortey

It recently occurred to me that Kraft makes both Miracle Whip and Mac and Cheese, two foods that depress me to no end. Miracle Whip was invented as some kind of mayo knock off and tastes nothing like it, it just looks the same and I don’t even know…

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The 4 Saddest Canned Foods Ever

posted 03/19/2013
by Ian Fortey

This article needs to be clarified right off the bat. It’s not about gross canned foods, there are lots of those articles out there showing off pig brains and canned duck penis and who knows what else. This is focused on foods that are just depres…

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The 6 Worst Chocolates Ever

posted 02/26/2013
by Ian Fortey

Usually I try to stray from personal pieces in my writing, unless it’s an article about Fleshlights and I assume you’d all be interested in knowing what my wang is up to. But this one, I feel, is an important educational piece, a public service, if…

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5 Cheeses That Need to Be Made

posted 02/12/2013
by Ian Fortey

Cheese making is probably pretty simple. I’ve never endeavored to make much cheese, but I have tried once. I made some homemade marscapone. It tasted kind of like off yogurt. But the point is I did it and could probably do it again. Cheese was…

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Celebrate Pie Season with Pie

posted 10/11/2012
by Ian Fortey

Fall is in full swing and if you live in a part of the world in which leaves turn colors, they turned colored. Some people find that beautiful. For the rest of us it means we have to rake the damn lawn again. Oh good, the tree shat everywhere. W…

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Killing Me Softly with Grease: Fair Food

posted 09/19/2012
by Ian Fortey

Every year I attend my local county fair and attempt to punish my insides for their blatant cowardice and insistence on hiding away inside me like fearful babies. Well insides, you’ve never won the battle yet and this year was no different.

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The 5 Most Terrible Foods Someone Will Bring to Your BBQ

posted 06/06/2012
by Ian Fortey

It’s that time of year again, when you move the kitchen outdoors and get tanked with your friends in the yard while you eat in folding chairs and reminisce about a time when you got drunk and ate food in folding chairs and then puked in a potted pla…

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4 Things We Keep Doing (And Keep Regretting)

posted 03/05/2012
by Ian Fortey

Everyone has regrets. Your friends, your coworkers, my parents, the world is full of people who made bad choices and lived to feel bad about it, but maybe it’s a learning experience that we are able to feel regret, something we can internalize and …

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25 Hungry, Hungry Politicians

posted 02/28/2012
by Ian Fortey

At some point in time, campaign managers decided that, if you want a career in politics, people need to see you eating ice cream or corn dogs. So from that we got this whole gallery. Bonus points for Nixon for being extra creepy.

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5 Toppings I Never Want to See on a Burger

5 Foods I Don’t Want to Eat from Etsy

The Krazy Kraft Kuisine Kontrivance

The 4 Saddest Canned Foods Ever

The 6 Worst Chocolates Ever

5 Cheeses That Need to Be Made

Celebrate Pie Season with Pie

Killing Me Softly with Grease: Fair Food

The 5 Most Terrible Foods Someone Will Bring to Your BBQ

4 Things We Keep Doing (And Keep Regretting)

25 Hungry, Hungry Politicians

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