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God Has Nothing to Do With the Super Bowl, You F***ing Idiots

crop_Football-Jesus

If you really believe God is omnipotent and benevolent, answer a question for us: Why does God’s plan for the human race include football?

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5 People Besides Junior Seau Who Drove Off A Cliff

5 People Besides Junior Seau Who Drove Off A Cliff

NFL linebacker Junior Seau made headlines yesterday by driving his car off a cliff. This would make total sense if he was still playing for the San Diego Chargers, but Seau is retired. Today he was released from the hospital after being treated for…

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I Banged Jessica Simpson and You Didn’t

I Banged Jessica Simpson and You Didn’t

By Tony Romo There’s no denying it; the Dallas Cowboys suck. We’re one and four. That’s only a game ahead of the Buffalo Bills, for crying out loud. And since I’m the quarterback, that means I suck. How can I look you in the…

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Holy Taco Helps Drew Brees Name His Baby

Holy Taco Helps Drew Brees Name His Baby

As of late, quarterback Drew Brees clearly needs some help on the football field. But the NFL star has recently taken to his Twitter account to ask for help of a different sort. It seems the Superbowl champion is having trouble with the simple task…

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I Guess There’s Nothing Left To Do But Sell Dick Pills

I Guess There’s Nothing Left To Do But Sell Dick Pills

By Jimmy Johnson Looking back on my life, I have accomplished almost everything I set out to achieve. I was a defensive linemen on the 1964 National Championship team at the University of Arkansas. I went on to become a coach, turning the Universit…

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7 Reasons the Lingerie Football League is Better Than the NFL

7 Reasons the Lingerie Football League is Better Than the NFL

Monsters of the midriff! Don’t get wrong, I love the NFL. But this season, I find myself watching for all the wrong reasons. Sure, I feign interest in which squad is pushing the ball across the scoring boundary. However, the real reason IR…

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The Inner Monologue of a Degenerate Gambler Watching That Kid with Down Syndrome Score a Touchdown

The Inner Monologue of a Degenerate Gambler Watching That Kid with Down Syndrome Score a Touchdown

It took me weeks, but I finally found a bookie who would let me bet on high-school football games. And now my persistence has paid off. I’m about to win $10,000! I knew there was no way the Panthers would cover a 40 point over! They have no o…

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Holy Taco’s 2010 NFL All-Criminal Team

Holy Taco’s 2010 NFL All-Criminal Team

Criminals are to the NFL as crabs are to prostitutes. It would be impossible to have one without the other. As it is, they are both unfortunate but unavoidable byproducts of two favorite all-American pastimes: football and transactional fornication…

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25 Hilarious Football Fails

25 Hilarious Football Fails

  Let’s get one thing clear here. When we say "football" fails, we’re talking about the real football. The kind you play with your hands. Here are 25 videos of people playing real football in a real bad way.  

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The Upside of a Football Gambling Addiction

The Upside of a Football Gambling Addiction

Football season is about to begin, which means football gamblers like myself are beside themselves with anticipation. In fact, the next five months will be some of the happiest of my life. Of course by happy, I mean miserable, but at this point, fe…

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Drunken Argument Friday: Football vs Football

Drunken Argument Friday: Football vs Football

When we took up the mantle here at Holy Taco we were told we had to engage in some social drinking in the office if we wanted to get anything done right. This was not a problem as most of us had been drinking mouthwash recreationally for years. T…

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How To Advertize Your Product During the World Cup

How To Advertize Your Product During the World Cup

The World Cup started a few hours ago with its first game (match?), Mexico v. South Africa. Two goals were scored, and no one won. Now that’s excitement. But boring sports aside, the World Cup is a massive television event. One game (match?) …

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