Posts Tagged ‘gay’


July 17th, 2008  |   02:15

You know how everyone is always like: “It’s a known fact that John Travolta is banging the stable boy!’ and “Tom Cruise does goats!” and “Robin Williams has man-threesomes, everybody knows that!” and “Rosie O’Donnell isn’t fat and likes dudes!” Well, I believe every story I hear and now I believe that every dude in the hip hop community is gayer than Perez Hilton.

Where’s your source material, you ask? Well, dear reader, there is a book that ‘came out’ (see what I did, there?) recently called Hiding in Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry — from Music to Hollywood, written by Terrance Dean, who used to produce something-or-other for MTV. I didn’t read any of it, even though it came out long enough ago for me to read it, but alas, I only read pictures. So, I keep seeing this ‘tell-all’ referenced in interviews and magazines almost everyday and decided to dig up some excerpts of an early review from gawker that claims there’s a lot of gayness in the Hollywood/hip hop world:

“There were two male celebrity actors standing a few feet in front of us. They didn’t notice us because the club was dark. Both men are young and very attractive and have starred in some comedic and dramatic films. One of the actors, “Junior,” is a tall, muscular, brown-skinned brother who got his start in television and is known for his comedic roles in films. He never married, but has a couple of children with a girlfriend. The other dark-skinned actor, “Fritz,” has been in a few movies and has starred in a popular television drama.”

“The lead was “Lucas,” who is a megastar. No matter what film project he was attached to it was bound to be a box office smash. In Hollywood, he is considered a golden boy and very bankable. However, there were already many rumors swirling about his sexuality, and even though he married, it was hard for him to shake those pesky gay rumors.”

Every day, Sandy says, Lucas’ friend “Kareem, a leading [married] sitcom actor,” visits his trailer, where they go inside and—everyone believes—have sex. Dean also says that Lucas runs with a circle of high-level superstar down low types. He later meets Lucas again and finds him to be “smooth, charismatic, and charming,” and his wife even brings goodies to the film crew.

First, “Kareem” is an awesome fake name. Second, I think I told my African-American barber to keep my discount on the “low-down” and I guess it’s “down-low”, so I feel really white right now. Anyway, the book is apparently filled with more fake names and I must say, this is a huge relief for me as a writer. I’ve been writing a tell-all book, too, and I was concerned about the legal ramifications of using real names, so I gave them all fake names. What’s that? Yeah, I do have an excerpt or two:


“I attended this Hollywood party and there were two major Hollywood actresses there. Within minutes, “Smarlet Romanssen” and “Hegan Box” both asked me to enjoy a three-way with them. I did. It was pretty sweet.”

“I was ordering coffee today when a major supermodel, “Mindy Lawford”, approached me in line and asked if she could give me an HJ in the restroom. I allowed her to perform this action, then reordered my non-fat soy latte because my previous one had gotten cold during the HJ.”

“I was rolling in my 5.0 today and a major singing star, “Celine Dion”, pulled up beside me and asked for me to come back to her hotel room for some kinky activities. I declined because I hate her music and she has a weird nose.”


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June 19th, 2008  |   01:47

Some things never change. The sun will always come up in the morning, the rich will always get richer and Larry Craig will always put a sexual innuendo into one of his press releases. I mean, come on, man. You’ve been busted for gay sex countless times and you think no one’s going to snicker when you bring up the importance of “drilling” to relieve the “pain at the pump” in a memo from your desk. After checking back through some of his other press releases, this seems like this was one of the tamer ones. Check out a few other missives from Larry’s desk:

From the desk of Larry Craig: If you want to get out of Iraq, touch a man’s ass.

From the desk of Larry Craig: Meet me at a rest stop at night to solve the mortgage crisis.

From the desk of Larry Craig: Iran is a threat to our nation’s safety. Now stick another finger in my a-hole.

From the desk of Larry Craig: Our nation’s infrastructure is in danger. So let’s get fellatio from a guy.

From the desk of Larry Craig: NAFTA will help the American worker only if you put nipple clamps on me and spank me and tell me I’m a naughty naughty boy.

From the desk of Larry Craig: The Ten Commandments and fisting should be mandatory in every public school. Did I mention fisting?

From the desk of Larry Craig: The prisoners of Guantanamo Bay should be tried by a military tribunal. So bring them by my place at around 9 o’clock tonight. I set up a military tribunal in my shower. I swear.

From the desk of Larry Craig: I would enjoy having gay sex with a man. Taxes.


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May 6th, 2008  |   07:38

matthew broderick sarah jessica parker gay

Do I think Matthew Broderick is gay? No. But we’ve all heard the rumors that his marriage to Sarah Jessica Parker is a sham because he likes to pitch (and catch) for the other team and she…well, she looks like her. So, if you and I have heard these rumors, I’m pretty sure SJP has too. Which makes me wonder why she would say this in New York Magazine:

“Matthew doesn’t have enough friends,” she tells me, sounding very mother-hennish and adding that Matthew has mostly gay friends in New York.

If I were Sarah Jessica Parker (and I pray to God that someday I will be), and I had a slightly effeminete husband who people called a mega flamer, I might mention his love of the Chicago Bears or his ability pound countless beers at any given sporting event or his insatiable desire to cram as many hot dogs in his mouth at one time…um, maybe I’d skip that last one.

via idontlikeyouinthatway.com


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