history – Holytaco

The Oldest Dildo in the World: A Perspective

It’s 28,000 years ago. Saber-toothed cats still exist. As do Neanderthals. Humanity is slowly establishing itself, art is being created, and tools. And in a cave, in what is present day Germany, someone stores their stone dildo. It’s about 8 in…

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Egg Nog Explained

posted 12/20/2011
by Jim Tews

It’s a classic holiday treat that nobody seems to be able to fully understand. You can make it yourself, or you can buy it at the store. You’ve probably been choking it down for the better part of your life, with no knowledge of what yo…

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Unknown Facts About Johnny Appleseed

posted 09/26/2011
by Jim Tews

Today, September 26th is Johnny Appleseed day. Did you know that? Probably not. Did you also know that Johnny Appleseed planted all those seeds because a woman broke his heart? That’s the short explanation for why a man might spend his adult …

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World’s First Gay Caveman Discovered. Seriously.

posted 04/07/2011
by Jim Tews

World’s First Gay Caveman Discovered. Seriously.

The remains of a 5,000 year old man have been discovered and archaeologists believe that he may have been homosexual. Because he was buried like a woman.

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This Day In Made Up History: Eiffel Tower Completed To Spite Ex-Girlfriend

posted 03/31/2011
by Jim Tews

Today in 1889, a dedication ceremony for the completion of France’s Eiffel Tower was held in Paris. People all over the world know the Eiffel tower, but what they don’t know is the story behind it.

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The Inner Monologue of the First European To Discover Oranges

posted 10/21/2010
by

Oh man. Sun’s up. Another early day for ol’ Joseph of the Stinking Creek’s Bend. Still working on a new name. Guess I’ll milk my goat for a delicious glass of body temperature goat’s broth and then have some oats f…

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If John Lennon Had Lived: An Alternative Timeline

posted 10/11/2010
by

Last Saturday would have been John Lennon’s 70th birthday. Since he was shot and killed in 1980, his stature as a musician and counter-culture icon has only grown. While many musicians of his day have descended into nothing more than nostalgi…

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7 People Who Messed With Texas

posted 08/24/2010
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Of all the places not to mess with, Texas, we’re told, is at the top of the list. But in reality, this near universal recognition of Texas as a state above our meddling is misplaced. Turns out the “Don’t Mess with Texas” slo…

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The History of Porn Timeline

posted 01/07/2010
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The AVN’s (The Porn Awards) are happening in Las Vegas this weekend, and since we don’t get to go to them this year, we’ve decided to spend the entire weekend just thinking about porn instead. We’re hard workers, though, so n…

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Proof That George Lucas is an Unoriginal Hack

posted 11/04/2009
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The Evolution of Sluts

posted 07/24/2009
by

Everyone knows that all girls are not sluts. In fact, sometimes the best girls are not explicitely slutty in any way. But even if you happen to be dating one of these not-slutty-but-still-awesome girls, chances are you still like watchin…

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The Oldest Dildo in the World: A Perspective

Egg Nog Explained

Unknown Facts About Johnny Appleseed

World’s First Gay Caveman Discovered. Seriously.

This Day In Made Up History: Eiffel Tower Completed To Spite Ex-Girlfriend

The Inner Monologue of the First European To Discover Oranges

If John Lennon Had Lived: An Alternative Timeline

7 People Who Messed With Texas

The History of Porn Timeline

Proof That George Lucas is an Unoriginal Hack

The Evolution of Sluts

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