If The Prostitute Gets Tired, Shoot Her

I’ve never purchased the services of a prostitute, but I guess there are a few points of negotiation that need to be agreed upon before the coitus can commence. Positions and type are probably no brainers, but one obvious point that most Johns forget to bring up is the length of time you will use her services. According to the MercuryNews.com:

A 20-year-old man shot a prostitute in the back because she got tired after having sex for 10 minutes, according to a recently released search warrant.

Ryan Graham and the victim agreed to a deal of $20 for sex in the west alley of the 200 block of T Street in Bakersfield on Sept. 17, police said.

The 26-year-old woman got tired after having sex for 10 minutes in the vehicle, according to the court document. The suspect got mad and shot her in the back as she left the vehicle, the document says.

The woman suffered a collapsed lung and was taken to Kern Medical Center, the warrant said. She was not identified because she fears for her safety.

You know your life has taken a serious turn into the shitter when you A) are having back alley sex with whores, B) are so bad at sex that $20 whores can’t even fake it and get “tired”, and C) shoot whores. The next time you get a little too worried about your 401k or your job or whatever is bothering you, just take a moment to realize that you aren’t Ryan Graham. That should really put things in perspective.

Other crap to look at:
The 52 Best Breasts of All Time (coedmagazine)
Angelina Jolie is breastfeeding (drunkenstepfather)
Janelle Robinson is attractive (doubleviking)
Fernanda Tavares hates clothes (gorillamask)
Dad gets shot in the gut by a toddler (I have no idea if this is real, but it’s hilarious) (nothingtoxic)
Truck tips onto car (EJB)
One man completes the full swing flip (tastybooze)
15 college football face painters (uncoached)
Space man invades a golf game (donchavez)
Morgane Dubled is sexy (cameltap)
The 105 Year Old Virgin is hilarious (bestweekever)

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World’s Coolest 13-Year-Old Loves Halo, Hookers

For all you mothers out there who are disappointed that your little guy didn’t get you flowers for Mother’s Day…just be happy you didn’t give birth to Ralph Hardy:

A 13-year-old from Texas who stole his Dad’s credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

Ralph Hardy, a 13-year-old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father’s existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing “Halo” on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a “World of Warcraft” tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.

Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn’t mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

I really wish I was a fly on the wall at this “party.” I can hear it now, little high-pitched voices saying stuff like, “Yo yo yo, I gots da Fritoz, beyoootch!” and “What up ladies! Why don’t you sit down and watch me Master Chief the shit out of this bitch.”

I can’t wait to see what Little Ralph has in store for Father’s Day. I’m guessing someone dies! Happy Mother’s Day!

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