How-to – Holytaco

How to Be a Mall Santa

So you’ve decided to be society’s version of herpes, good for you! Now is the season when mall Santas are in higher demand than ever because early June mall Santas are usually serial killers who are actually volunteers more often than not. Many po…

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How to Destroy Your Enemies

posted 09/10/2010
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If you’re reading comedy articles on the internet, chances are you have a lot of ambition but very little follow through, much like our staff. Somehow the internet is as far as you ever get, but what you really want is to be at the Playboy m…

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How to Have Cyber Sex in 1999

posted 08/26/2010
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Cyber sex was the reason many of us bought computers way back when. It was a glorious time. Texas Instruments was the top tech company, the Bay City Rollers were burning up the airwaves and Al Capone was making a name for himself in Chicago. Yep…

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How to Be a Weatlhy Beggar

posted 08/16/2010
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Terribly exciting news out of England, apparently some beggars are fakes. Who saw that coming? Aside from everyone, we mean, since people have been doing it in North America for decades. Yep, turns out people who aren’t homeless are out ther…

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How to Write a Black Eyed Peas Song

posted 08/06/2010
by admin

So you’ve decided to trade your soul in for something closer to high-fructose pudding and dick cheese, good for you. The vacuous suckhole of the entertainment industry is bottomless so don’t worry about being late to the party, there&r…

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How to Make Out With Jessica Simpson

posted 08/03/2010
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So, you’ve decided you want to get squishy with one of history’s most exceptional thinkers, nothing wrong with that. For years, Jessica Simpson has proved she has the ability to breathe and maintain most other autonomic functions with …

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4 Ways to Get Rid of Your Girlfriend’s Ex

posted 08/02/2010
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So, you have a girlfriend. Awesome. No life as lonely old hermit for you, eh? Nope, you have a reason to bathe and not turn the hose on neighborhood kids who step on your lawn. You have love! And you must protect it at all costs. Your girlfri…

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How to be a Party Animal

posted 07/14/2010
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We’re in the thick of summer and that means it’s party time. You better be in the bag, at poolside with an awesome 80’s soundtrack blaring as you try to pretend your dead boss is still alive while you read this. Partay! If you w…

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A Guide To Summer Barbeques

posted 07/06/2010
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It’s Summer. We know this because our various dangly bits are currently marinating in sweat juices and emanating odors that, if we decided to nakedly frolic in the woods, would attract creatures that are looking to mate. But another thi…

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How To Tell If You Live Next Door To A Russian Spy

posted 06/29/2010
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Recently, the FBI apprehended 10 suspects accused of being dastardly Russian spies. So far, there has been no mention of James Bond’s involvement in exposing these spies, but seeing as at least one of them is a pretty good looking chick, one …

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How to Impress Women With Your iPhone

posted 06/22/2010
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This guest article was written by Dan Seitz, whose iPhone gets more chicks than he does. The latest iPhone has just been debuted at Apple’s Worldwide Developer’s Conference, and it is, of course, smaller, smarter, and sexier than…

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How to Brand Your Band with a Cover Song

posted 06/17/2010
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This is a guest article by Erica Cantin. Rock on, kids! So you’re a little known band just trying to make your way in this crazy world. According to your alcoholic and slightly suicidal manager, the key to branding your bland and …

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How to Be a Mall Santa

How to Destroy Your Enemies

How to Have Cyber Sex in 1999

How to Be a Weatlhy Beggar

How to Write a Black Eyed Peas Song

How to Make Out With Jessica Simpson

4 Ways to Get Rid of Your Girlfriend’s Ex

How to be a Party Animal

A Guide To Summer Barbeques

How To Tell If You Live Next Door To A Russian Spy

How to Impress Women With Your iPhone

How to Brand Your Band with a Cover Song

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