How-to – Holytaco

How to Be a Mall Santa

So you’ve decided to be society’s version of herpes, good for you! Now is the season when mall Santas are in higher demand than ever because early June mall Santas are usually serial killers who are actually volunteers more often than not. Many po…

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How To: Pull Off an Internet Hoax

posted 10/20/2009
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Pulling off an internet hoax is a lot like being a stripper. It can be a good way to make a lot of money, and it’s pretty easy, too. All kinds of morons have pulled off successful hoaxes in the past, from those rednecks who shot bi…

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How To: Convince Your Girlfriend That The House Is Haunted

posted 10/08/2009
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We got to go to a screening of Paranormal Activity recently, and it’s scary as hell (if it’s not playing in your area, you can go here and click the "Demand It" button to encourage distribution to your town). The movie go…

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How To: Look Like You’re Working All Day, Even When You’re Not

posted 08/25/2009
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8 hours is a long-ass time to be doing work every day. Luckily, there are about a million ways to look like you’re working when you’re actually not doing jack-shit. Faking an entire day of work will take some real skill, and …

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How To: Make a Christian Horror Movie

posted 07/22/2009
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Christian movies and Horror movies seem like they’re on opposite ends of the film spectrum, but we’d like to think that, with a little forward-thinking, we could make a pretty awesome Christian horror movie that could appeal to the blood…

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How To: Pretend You’re Listening to Your Girlfriend

posted 07/16/2009
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It’s eight o’clock tonight, and you’ve got a computer, a television set, a cell phone, and a paused game of Skate 2, all grappling for your attention. The last thing you feel like paying attention to is your girlfrie…

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How To: Deal with Your Landlord

posted 07/09/2009
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We’ve all been in this predicament before: Your landlord shows up demanding the rent money, and you don’t have it. Of course, you can’t tell the landlord that. You’re going to have to lie to him profusely.&n…

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You’ve Been Caught Cheating – How To Deal With It?

posted 06/25/2009
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Relationships are difficult things to navigate through, and sometimes, for whatever reason, one person will cheat on the other. In these instances, there’s really only one course of action. Lying. But, there are two dif…

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How To Order a Phonebook Hooker

posted 06/02/2009
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As you may have noticed, Craigslist recently abolished their "Erotic Services" section. Don’t worry, though: the Sex-for-Money business will always persevere, even if it means that we have to revert back to the ancient way of…

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How To Survive in Prison

posted 05/28/2009
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a very special guest column by Johnny Wickham As a person who got into a lot of trouble as a kid, nothing worries me more than what a normal, everyday person would have to do to survive prison. Prison seems kind of like church camp: You don&r…

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How to Cast Your G.I. Joe Re-creation of “Red Dawn”

posted 02/25/2009
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When I was a kid, I was completely obsessed with G.I. Joe action figures. Eventually I started running out of fictional storylines, so I decided to re-enact some of my favorite movies of the time. By far, the best movie to re-enact…

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How To: Deal With Going Bald

posted 12/09/2008
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Your hair is falling out. It sucks but it’s not the end of the world, it’s just really really close to the end of the world. Here’s some tips on how to deal: 1. Don’t fight, accept. Your hair, much like…

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How to Be a Mall Santa

How To: Pull Off an Internet Hoax

How To: Convince Your Girlfriend That The House Is Haunted

How To: Look Like You’re Working All Day, Even When You’re Not

How To: Make a Christian Horror Movie

How To: Pretend You’re Listening to Your Girlfriend

How To: Deal with Your Landlord

You’ve Been Caught Cheating – How To Deal With It?

How To Order a Phonebook Hooker

How To Survive in Prison

How to Cast Your G.I. Joe Re-creation of “Red Dawn”

How To: Deal With Going Bald

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