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The Inner Monologue of the Easter Bunny the Day After Easter

bunny

Oh God, my back. I feel like hell. Where the hell is Margaret? Oh God. I still stink like chocolate. I hate it. Oh God, I hate children. I wish I was dead.

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The Inner Monologue of Carrot Top While He’s Performing

carrot

Alright, good looking crowd tonight, I like that. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh cthulhu r’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn! In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming!

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The Inner Monologue of a Public School Bus Driver

bus

Drive. Just drive.

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The Inner Monologue of Cher’s Vagina

100610A1_CHER_B-GR_15

Whooooooo…. Issssssss…… Thissssssssss?

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The Inner Monologue of a Canadian Olympic Basketball Player During the Opening Ceremonies

coach_team_canada

Oh God. Just…ungh. How did we let this happen? I knew I should have called in sick. Or just smoked some weed or something, they would have disqualified me. What the hell am I doing here?

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I’m a Grown Man Dressed As Lady Liberty

StatueOfLiberty

Look at me dance, y’all. I need you to see me. I do whatever and say whatever I want, because I’ve got this Lady Liberty head covering my real head. Get your taxes done here, stupid. Y’all are stupid. I could say that out loud and…

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The Inner Monologue Of The Kentucky Man Who Left His Baby At The Grocery Store

AbandonedBaby

Oh Jesus. Ok. I need to double check this stupid list before I check-out… Eggs. Right there. Milk. There. Two bags of frozen mixed vegetables, one large bag of rice, the steaks. Ok, check, check and check. Everything looks to be here. Got the…

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Inner Monologue of A Bunch of People During The State of the Union

Inner Monologue of A Bunch of People During The State of the Union

Last night the airwaves were taken over by our president and bunch of people that look like that’d rather be somewhere else. We call this the State of the Union address. It’s an event filled with random cutaways to politicians that have no idea the…

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The Inner Monologue of Axl Rose at an Arby’s

axl arbys

Mmm, Arby-Q. That looks good. What is that, some kind of sauce? Is it like barbecue sauce? Arby-Q, barbecue…oh, I get it. It’s like a barbecue sandwich. Only, because I’m at Arby’s, it’s called an Arby-Q. That’s clever. I could put that in …

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Inner-Monologue Of A Guy At His Girlfriend’s Friend’s Graduation Party

Inner-Monologue Of A Guy At His Girlfriend’s Friend’s Graduation Party

  When can I eat the food?  Why is no one eating it yet, it’s out there, it’s been laid out, and no one’s touching it.  Why the f*&k would you put food out on a table, and then not serve it?  It’s buf…

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Inner Monologue of a Guy Walking By a School and Getting Yelled at by a Kid

Inner-Monologue-Guy-Walking-School-and-Getting-Yelled-Kid

    What the —- did that kid just call me a homo?  That kid’s like 7 years old!  I can’t just let someone call me a homo, even if he’s only 7.  I mean, I don’t care what that kid thinks of me.&n…

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