Would Amy Winehouse Go To Women’s prison?

I’ve seen a couple bar fights in my day, and they usually consist of some shirt ripping, one partially landed punch, and a lot of angry guys both answering and asking questions using only the word “bro.”  Never, ever, have I seen a bar fight like the one described here.  People.com reports:

Troubled British singer Amy Winehouse has been arrested for an alleged assault.

A 38-year-old man filed a report stating he was “headbutted” by Winehouse after trying to hail her a cab at 3:20 a.m. on April 23.  She also allegedly punched another man in the face and smoked drugs on the street.

So basically she beat the shit out of two dudes using a head butt and a punch and then after said dudes asses were kicked, she was like “f*&k, let’s smoke some crack and or a joint.”  Dude, when I was in fourth grade and feeling the wrath of other kids due to my not losing my baby fat/my fat fat, I used to day dream of a scenario just like that one with me in place of winehouse, sans the drug smoking.  (I think in my day dream I pulled out a capri sun after I was done, not sure).

Anyway, you have to admit, that’s a pretty bad ass move by her.  That’s like out of a Van Damme movie.  And not one of the shitty, late 90s, “I have to pay child support so I don’t read the script” Van Damme movies, I’m talking vintage VD.  Winehouse should fill the void left by the artist formerly known as Steven Segal.  Imagine Winehouse remaking BloodSport*:

*Hands down the worst photoshop I’ve ever done.  Disturbingly awful.

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Wesley Snipes Goes To Jail

Paying taxes really sucks.  But hearing another man say “so I’m gonna have sex with you when I want, and in exchange I’ll make sure no one stabs you,” and you saying “Okay, that sounds reasonable,” sucks, like, a lot more.  People.com reports:

Wesley Snipes is prison-bound.  The Blade star, 45, was sentenced Thursday to three years behind bars as his punishment for tax evasion.

The defense, on the other hand, sought probation rather than prison time. “Wesley Snipes is not a dangerous man who needs to be imprisoned to protect the public.”

Not a danger?  I don’t know about that.  When I walked out of the third Blade movie, I heard some dude next to me say “I swear to God someone needs to stop Wesley Snipes from making more of these or I’m going to f*&king kill somebody.”  And if there’s one thing you can be SURE of, if Wesley Snipes is let out of jail, and he owes a whole shitpile in back taxes, you’re going to be seeing his face in numerous shitty movies, including as many Blade sequels as possible, which would probably look something like this:

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