Kevin Federline Line Is Year Older, Stupider

Vegas has some of the best magicians in the world.  Some make tigers disappear.  Some make people levitate.  And some perform the greatest trick of all, finding a way to become millionaires without any talent, skills, or education.

People.com reports:

Kevin Federline will take a break from parenting on March 21st to celebrate his birthday.

Just like at his 29th birthday, Federline will celebrate at Caesar’s Palace’s Pure nightclub.  Last year, his parents and even ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson attended the bash at the club.

Oooh his parents came!  Nice!  Does anyone else think this smells like one of those birthday parties in elementary school where the fat stinky kid in school invited the whole class to his birthday and no one showed up except the kids whose parents forced them to go?  Me too.  Now I feel bad because I was that kid for a couple years (thyroid problem, no excuse for the stinky).  The way I dealt with getting people to come to my parties was simple: Bouncy room.  Maybe that would work for him.

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Paris Hilton and K-Fed: Team Stupid

I’ve seen a lot of amazing pairings in my lifetime; Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, mint ice cream with chocolate chips, Daryl Hall and John Oates (Go F yourself, they kick ass). But this New Years, we have been blessed with a new pairing, according to people.com:

The unlikely duo of Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton caused heads to turn in Las Vegas over the pre-New Year’s weekend.

On Sunday, the duo partied together for the second night running. A source close to Federline told PEOPLE that the two hung out in Hilton’s room Saturday after leaving the club.

I know exactly how this meeting went down because I recently brought my dog over to somebody’s house who also has a dog. They just sort of smell each other for a second, then one of them takes a shit and they start humping.

Just in case you’d like to know what these two Mensa members talked about, I have a transcript:

K-FED: I like your room. It has a lot of shiny things in it.

PARIS: Yeah. I asked for a room with shiny things.

K-FED: That’s a good idea! I should do that. My room always has some shiny things, but not lots. Hey, do you have a place for me to make poop?

PARIS: Duh, of course. Hold on, I’ll get my assistant to bring you a trash bag.

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