letters – Holytaco

An Open Letter To The World’s 7 Billionth Person

posted
by Jim Tews

Hey there, seven-billionth person born on earth. I don’t know how old you’ll be when you end up reading this, but let’s assume you’ll be old enough to know how to read. That’d put you at about age seven, if you’r…

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Why’d You Bail Out On Our Flashmob?!

posted 07/15/2011
by Jim Tews

Hey “Friends” So let me start by saying, you all really put me in an awkward spot yesterday. I don’t want to get accusatory, because I haven’t heard from any of you since then, and I’m sure you have a valid excuse, but…

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Your “@aol.com” Email Address Is Embarrassing Everyone

posted 06/14/2011
by Jim Tews

Jason, I don’t mean to drop a bomb on your day here, but there’s something I wanted to address with you. It’s about your email address. Myself and several others (who I’m not going to name) have discussed this, and we think …

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Congratulations, Chris Brown!

posted 01/06/2011
by Jim Tews

So good news for Rihanna, Chris Brown recently completed a court-ordered domestic violence class. Way to go Chris! Now, thanks to some inside sources, we were able to find a transcription of Chris’s welcome letter:

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Poems from Mel Gibson

posted 11/15/2010
by

TMZ just released some poetry and letters written by Mel Gibson to his ex, Oksana Grigorieva that she saved over the years. You can read the whole things over at TMZ but it’s worth noting that they include lines like “have decided to t…

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Scientology Letters

posted 11/10/2010
by

Scientology has been badly demonized for years when the truth of the matter is, most Scientologists are just like you and me, except crazier. They wash their hair (crazily), they make dinner (crazily) and they pay their taxes do other stuff.&…

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The Holy Taco Mail Bag

posted 11/09/2010
by

Please enjoy the following exchange, unedited and uninterrupted, for your reading enjoyment. It was inspired by this post from our own Jame Gumb, who swears he once used the word “satire’ in a game of Scrabble and got a double letter s…

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Penthouse Letters That Didn’t Make The Cut

posted 10/06/2010
by

Plugging It In Dear, Penthouse I’m a cable TV installer. Normally my job is pretty boring. But the other day I had an experience that I will not soon forget! I was assigned a house over in downtown, a real posh apa…

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Honest Letters To One Night Stands

posted 09/29/2009
by

If you’re like us, you enjoy writing letters to girls that you’ve had one night stands with, just to let them know that you had a good time, or you learned some new moves, or whatever. Y’know, the standard "one night sta…

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Open Letters to Annoying People

posted 07/17/2009
by

Letters are a good way to communicate with people that you, for one reason or another, can’t have a face-to-face interaction with. This can be particularly effective when you’re dealing with someone who is incredibly annoying. …

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10 Letters From Satan

posted 05/15/2009
by

Satan is pretty busy these days, but it’s nice to know that he still takes the time to sit down and write letters to his fans, followers, and business partners.

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An Open Letter To The World’s 7 Billionth Person

Why’d You Bail Out On Our Flashmob?!

Your “@aol.com” Email Address Is Embarrassing Everyone

Congratulations, Chris Brown!

Poems from Mel Gibson

Scientology Letters

The Holy Taco Mail Bag

Penthouse Letters That Didn’t Make The Cut

Honest Letters To One Night Stands

Open Letters to Annoying People

10 Letters From Satan

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