Linda Hogan Proves Formidable Match For Hulkster

When I was little, right after we watched WWF, my brothers and I would clear out the living room and attach a string to a can of pepsi and hang it from the overhead fan. Then I’d grab it, point at my brothers and give a speech about how they’d been “nancying around like a bunch of sissies, and it was time to pay the piper,” then I’d tear the shirt off i was wearing that I had pre-cut to tear. Then one time my brother hit me with a chair and my mom stopped letting us do that. So it provides me much joy that the speeches I gave then, are really similar to the speeches the Hulkster gives now, except his are about his messy divorce. Usmagazine.com reports:

WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan says he has fought a lot of bad guys in his day, but none compare to his wife.

“Without a doubt, this one is the most formidable opponent I’ve ever run into,” he tells Usmagazine.com.

“You talk about dirty tricks: Brass knuckles, steel knuckles, cheap shots,
tripping people up. I’ve never seen anybody in the wrestling business that has more dirty tricks than she does!”

I like how he’s giving a statement on his divorce in character as the Hulkster.  I really hope Cuba Gooding Jr. gets inspired by Hulk and starts giving interviews in character as the retarded kid from that movie Radio.  I can only dream.

What kind of dirty tricks is Hulkster saying she did?  Maybe she stacked the jury.  If we see this, then maybe he’s right:

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Hulk Hogan Stalks Linda Hogan

If there’s one thing you have to know about the Hulkster, it’s that he could strike anywhere, at any time. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if you’re holding a microphone that’s descended from above you and you’re giving a speech about how much he sucks. So, it’s no surprise Linda Hogan said this according to people.com:

Linda Hogan filed court documents on June 30 seeking to prevent her estranged husband from harassing her.

Linda Hogan, 48, claims that Hulk Hogan, 54, “relentlessly and methodically” follows her, “causing her anxiety and fear for her safety at all times.

I think Jimmy “Super Fly” Snuka filed a similar lawsuit on Monday Night Raw, but it was dismissed when he was hit by a chair thrown by The Million Dollar Man who was acting as the judge of an impromptu courtroom that had been set up in the ring. I knew it wasn’t looking good for Snuka when Hulkster objected on the grounds of “Snuka needs to grow some cahones, and stop acting like a little giiiiiirrllllllllll!” and Million Dollar Man sustained that objection.

Anyway, it got me to thinking, what would it look like to have the Hulkster stalking you. I think we all know what it would look like:

Then of course, if he called in some friends, it might look something like this:

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