John McCain: “Heidi Montag Is Talented”

If he’s willing to call Heidi Montag “talented” in order to get elected, here’s a few other quotes you’re going to be hearing from him in the future:

“The Olive Garden is delicious. It feels just like I’m eating at someone’s home in Sicily.”

“Driving a late 90s model Ford Ranger is just pure enjoyment.”

“I hope my grand kids turn out to be just like Elizabeth Hasselbeck.”

“I can not WAIT for the next installment of the Alien Vs. Predator series.”

“I’m what you call a pro-lifechoicer.”

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Don’t Wear This Shirt To Your Mug Shot

If you’re the type of person who gets arrested from time to time, you may want to consider your choice of garment before leaving the house. You may want to keep the “I’m Probably Lying” shirt in the drawer until you plan on lounging on the couch all day. Here are a few other shirts you may not want to wear outside:

I Pay Hookers For Sex
Please Don’t Look Inside My Windowless Van
I Run A Secret Dog Fighting Ring
I Got Gay Married
I Smoke Pot All Day Long. Like, ALL DAY.
My Addictions Include: Heroin, Cocaine, Pills and Tax Evasion
Most Of My Pockets Are Filled With Guns
I Can Only Achieve Orgasm Through Torturing And Murdering
I Am Governor of New York
I Call My Basement “The Kidnap Room”
I Agree With All Rap Lyrics

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