Remember those days when you’re baby didn’t know who its daddy was? Well, if you went on the Maury Povich show, gave a little DNA, and waited for Maury to tell you the results on the air, you definitely know which guy’s sperm fertilized your egg (and honestly, it’s really really really hard to tell sometimes.)
Now that you know, why not dress up your little whore-spawn in a cute onesie that says “I Met My Daddy On Maury.” Because your child is never too young to know that his/her parents are trashy people who will throw their integrity away for a fleeting chance to be on television. Available in future felony blue or future porn fluffer pink!
Because when you’re not the Daddy, you just feel like going on Maury Povich and dancing.
7. The White Handkerchief Of Victory
Any time you can lead the crowd in cheers while you perform a somewhat complicated dance routine, all in celebration that you didn’t impregnate a woman, you have a good shot at making this list. But what really did it for me, was the improvisation here. He removed a handkerchief and rather elegantly waved it to the crowd, as if he owned a horse that just won the Kentucky Derby.
6. The X-Factor
I love this one for a couple reasons. First, the skanky white trash girlfriend the guy has sitting next to him who reacts like she’s just been called as the next contestant on The Price Is Right. The second and more important reason is that after the dude finds out, he gives the woman the Stone Cold Steve Austin move of making an X with his arms and slamming it down towards his crotch. Any time you can incorporate wrestling moves in to your celebration, you get on this list.
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
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