Don't bother listening to whatever crap Mike Huckabee is saying in this video. But do check out Gena Norris, wife of TV's Walker Texas Ranger, standing in the background. How the hell did melt victim Chuck Norris get a smoking hot wife like that? As I just mentioned, he looks like a melt victim, but he also hasn't been relevant in years. The last movie he was in that you might have heard of was Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection, and that came out in 1990. Did his Bible thumping get him his hot wife? If so, then sign me up for Jesus camp, pronto.

Ex fatty fats Mike Huckabee showed a true pledge of support for his currently fatty fats sons in the Huckabee Family Christmas Card this year. Every good tailor knows that if you and Grimace share the same body type, then you may want to pack your wardrobe with vertical stripes to take some of the pear off your pear-shaped ass. But it clearly doesn't finish the job. Huckabee's sons, who I assume are named Frisch's Big Boy and Wendy's Double w/ Cheese, are clearly too far gone to be helped. At least the one on the left is thinking, "If I crouch down low enough, no one will see my disgusting fatbody." While Frisch's Big Boy in the middle has clearly resigned himself to marrying anyone with a fat fetish. And the little girl on the far right, well, she's just happy she hasn't been eaten yet.