Jennifer Nicole Lee

Age: 32

Where you’ve seen her: Jennifer Nicole Lee (or JNL to her friends) gained fame after she decided to drop 70 pounds after the birth of her second child and ended up being crowned Miss Bikini America in 2004. Since then she’s been on the cover of numerous fitness mags and in MAxima nd FHM.

Pointless quote: “Men need to understand that, sometimes being submissive to their female counterpartner can be very sexy — to kind of dilute the testosterone from, you know, the big 1980s machismo, macho icon — and that it’s not really appealing.”

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MILF Monday: Denise Richards

Age: 37

Where you’ve seen her: I’m not going to bother mentioning Starship Troopers, The World is Not Enough, or Undercover Brother. Because the only thing you ever think about when you see Denise Richards is her Neve Campbell three-way in Wild Things.

Is she really a MILF?: Technicaly, yes. But since Charlie Sheen is the father of her “children,” she actually gave birth to little bags of cocaine and prostitutes instead of babies.

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MILF Monday: Diane Lane

Age: 43

Where you’ve seen her: While she’s been in timeless classics such as Judge Dredd, Murder at 1600, Jack, and Must Love Dogs, her finest role by far was in Unfaithful. Which I hope was more of a documentary than a feature film.

Is She A MILF? Yes, yes she is. She had intercourse with Christopher Lambert, her egg was fertilized with his sperm and nine months later she gave birth to Eleanor Jasmine Lambert.

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Milf Monday: Elin Nordegren

Age: 28

Where you’ve seen her: Elin Nordegren can usually be found getting up and down on Tiger Woods.

Tantalizing tidbit: A couple years ago, nude photos of a woman claiming to be Elin were found on, you guessed it, the Internet. The photos ended up being of some Playboy model named Kim Hiott, so, as you can see, this story has a very sad ending.

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Catherine Bell

Age: 39

Where you’ve seen her: If you’re the type of social butterfly who spent their Friday nights watching TV, then you’ve seen Catherine Bell in JAG. If you’re the type of person who watches the Lifetime Network, then you’ve recently seen her on Army Wives.

Is she a MILF? Oh yeah. In 2003 she screamed for an epidural and gave birth to an itty bitty miracle named Gemma.

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MILF Monday: Catherine Zeta Jones

Age: 38

Where you’ve seen her: Catherine Zeta-Jones has been in such hits as High Fidelity, Traffic and Terminal. But the only thing I really ever remember about her is the shot of her ass in the Entrapment trailer (image below.)

Is she really a MILF? Oh yeah. After marrying old ass Michael Douglass she squeezed out two of his children–Dylan Michael Douglas and Carys Zeta Douglas. I’m not sure what’s more disgusting, the thought of her giving birth or the thought of her having sex with 63-year-old Michael Douglas. I’ll go with Douglas.

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MILF Monday: Katie Holmes

Age: 29

Where you’ve seen her: Katie Holmes has been in “Dawson’s Creek,” “The Ice Storm” and “Teaching Mrs. Tingle.” But you know her best from her current reality series called “I Used To Be Normal, But I Am Now Cult Robot Wife Long Live L. Ron.” Which is more of a tragedy than a comedy.

Is She Really A MILF: Yeah, on April 18, 2006 her and some guy (I can’t remember his name) had the cutest little tiny robot child that is expected to take of the world sometime in 2024. Sounds like fun!

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MILF Monday: Halle Berry

With the birth of her new daughter yesterday, the Taco would like to welcome Halle Berry into the illustrious world of mothers we’d like to do unspeakable things to. As if you don’t already know, this birth makes Halle the hottest MILF on the face of the earth. This mometous occasion will change the history of man forever. It’s up there with the invention of the forward pass, the creation of Cheez Whiz and the manufacture of the breast implant. Take note, fellas. Your children will be learning about this day in History class.

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MILF Monday: Jenny McCarthy

Age: 35

Where you’ve seen her: Jenny McCarthy has been in everything from Playboy to The Stupids. If you’ve never seen her before, then you may want to look into getting a TV or asking the doctors to bring you out of the coma.

Is She Really A MILF? Yep. On May 18th, 2002 she had a small child named Evan Joseph removed from her body via her uterine canal.

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MILF Monday: Naomi Watts

Age: 39

Where you’ve seen her: Naomi Watts has been in King Kong, 21 Grams, The Ring and Mulholland Drive. The only part of Mulholland Drive that made any sense was her lesbian scene with Laura Harring’s enormous breasts.

Is she really a MILF? Yes, nine months after Liev Schrieber’s two pumps and a cough, she gave birth to Alexander Pete.

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