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Three Movie Premises With Even Worse Pseudoscience than “Lucy”


No matter how good Lucy’s story is, and no matter how soothing Morgan Freeman’s voice may be, it all falls apart because the basic premise (we only use 10% of our brains!) is total bullshit. The writers, producers, and director have to k…

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Christian Grey From ’50 Shades of Grey’ Has Been Revealed, And Man Is He Boring


Pictures of the actor from 50 Shades of Grey in costume have finally been revealed. Sadly (and predictably), he’s a bland, boring brunette. They could’ve really spiced up this stupid character, and they chose to take him plain. No salt o…

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The First Trailer for ‘Leprechaun: Origins’ Starring the WWE’s Hornswoggle Lacks Leprechauns, a Sense of Humor


I guess you could say that the filmmakers behind Leprechaun: Origins…are real gold diggers. (YYYYYYEAHHHH!!!!)

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Ant Man Should Stay Directorless (and Go Scriptless)


Ant Man has no director and perhaps it never will. We feel it should stay that way, and that they should also chuck the script, cast people who know nothing of the character, and turn the film into an unorganized (and hilarious) free-for-all.

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‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’ and Six Other Banned Movie Posters


The sheer suckitude of the MPAA has been well documented. In some cases, their poster-bans are justified; in others, it’s just plain stupid. In all cases, though, the banning likely just made the posters more viral — which is why censorship do…

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If J.J. Abrams Screws Up ‘Star Wars,’ There Will Be Hell to Pay


Our childhood memories are at stake here, dude. Don’t eff around.

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Get Off My Lawn: American Traditions That Used to Be Great and Now Suck


I’m only in my early 30s, but that’s old enough to recognize how much better some things were in the previous generation.

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Eight Classic Guy Movies That Should Be Turned Into Broadway Musicals


If Rocky can be somehow turned into a musical, it might open the floodgates for other classic guy movies to be Broadway-bound. Because on Broadway, anything is possible…

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Six Movie Remakes That Are Better Than the Originals


The Departed and The Thing? Absolutely. RoboCop? Hell no.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: December 13th


I think I missed even writing this feature last week, probably due to drunkenness or prison, but I’ll thank you not to meddle in my affairs. I trust all the films from last week sucked, however.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov 22nd


We missed last week due to a technical problem and we may as well miss this week because you know who’s making all the money, but hey, let’s make fun of the movies no one is going to see this weekend.

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