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Three Movie Premises With Even Worse Pseudoscience than “Lucy”

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No matter how good Lucy’s story is, and no matter how soothing Morgan Freeman’s voice may be, it all falls apart because the basic premise (we only use 10% of our brains!) is total bullshit. The writers, producers, and director have to k…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: August 16th

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Guess what? I’m on vacation. I’m not really going to see any of these movies this weekend because I will be in a casino up to my nuts in alcohol and terrible decisions. Hi-yo!

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: August 9th

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So we’re powering into August and that means a heady mix of the leftover summer blockbusters and a number of movies no one loved when they were growing up. It’s fun, you’ll like it. Last week 2 Guns took the top spot, I suspect because logic dicta…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: August 2nd

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Predictably, Wolverine destroyed everything last week with his razor claws and vascular physique. Who will dare stand against the crazy Canadian this week?!?

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: July 26th

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Everyone was blown away last week when The Conjuring destroyed the box office. I finally got around to seeing it, and it’s pretty bad ass. It’s an almost perfectly constructed horror film made by someone who obviously knows what works in horror, w…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: July 19th

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God knows how Despicable Me 2 won the box office 2 weeks in a row. I’m sure it’s great and all, but come on – Pacific Rim is giant robots fighting giant aliens. Whatever, this week is probably going to red 2, but maybe RIPD. I’m going to see the …

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The 9 Best Horror Movies of the Past 5 Years

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How do you pick 9 movies and call them the best of the last 5 years when probably hundreds came out including hundreds you didn’t even see? Easy! It involves heavy use of the word “arbitrary” and a lot of not giving a shit. Sometimes you just hav…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: July 12th

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Last week Despicable Me 2 destroyed the Lone Ranger in humiliating and disgusting ways. The Lone Ranger is going to have to borrow money from John Carter it got ruined so bad. Probably because no one actually cares about the Lone Ranger since it’s…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: July 5th

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This week was all screwed up thanks to the holiday with both big releases coming out on Wednesday and today being left for the shit that studios hope make at least enough money to cover catering on the set.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 28th

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I’ve had a busy week and thus I know less about this week’s crop of films than usual. My level of not caring is roughly the same however.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 21st

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It’s a totally creepy week at the movies this week with monsters and beasts and crazy killer types. Or at least those are the movies I cherry picked because it made a kind of a theme for this particular review. Isn’t that great? Last week was what…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 14th

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This is a big weekend for movies, we’re getting into the summer fudge fest of films when every weekend is the most awesome weekend and one movie is clearly meant to make more money than all the rest. This weekend everyone was hanging their hats on …

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