movies – Holytaco

The 5 Worst Places to Endure a Fart

Childish? Unnecessary? Sophomoric? No. Not at all. Listen, fart jokes are fart jokes and we’ve all heard our share but they exist for a reason – a fart is a real thing with real consequences and there are some places where farts just shouldn’t b…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 23

posted 11/23/2012
by Ian Fortey

Most movies this week came out on Wednesday instead of Friday because Black Friday cannot be interrupted for any reason and we’re all disgusting people. God forbid you can’t stream into Best Buy like pigs being let into a feeding pen so you can get…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: November 16th

posted 11/16/2012
by Ian Fortey

Oh man, this is some kind of week at the movies. It’s like Hollywood got drunk and woke up the next day and couldn’t explain what happened, there was just this crazy shit going on. And now we are the beneficiaries of it. Not sure what I mean? Go…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 9th

posted 11/09/2012
by Ian Fortey

Last week Wreck-it Ralph wrecked the box office and I actually saw it. Yes, I went to see a children’s movie, I am enlightened. But it had John C Reilly and Sarah Silverman so I assumed it would be good, and it wasn’t bad actually. I’m pleased wi…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 2nd

posted 11/02/2012
by Ian Fortey

This week looks not too shay at the old box office after last week’s paltry effort. Did anyone at all go see Silent Hill Revelations? Of course not. Why would you? It’s a movie you watch on Netflix on a Wednesday morning when you’re hung over. …

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It Came from the WalMart $5 Bin: Scary or Die

posted 11/01/2012
by Ian Fortey

Look at the art on the box for this DVD, how could you not buy it? It features an evil clown. I couldn’t resist, despite not knowing anything else about the film. I refused to even read the back. Shut up and take my $5.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 19th

posted 10/19/2012
by Ian Fortey

The only thing you need to know about last week is how poorly Here Comes the Boom did, which is at it should be, because that movie must obviously suck. Kevin James is funny in the way being shot but not fatally is funny. This week another stalwar…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 12th

posted 10/12/2012
by Ian Fortey

Taken 2 owned the box office last week despite every critic hating that movie with a fierce passion. What they didn’t know, however, was that everyone loves Liam Neeson. They really do. He was Oscar Schindler, for God’s sake. Don’t even try to co…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: September 28th

posted 09/28/2012
by Ian Fortey

I never made it to the movies last week but I assume everything I predicted was correct. There sure are a bounty of sucktastic films out there. This week it’s obvious what the big winner is going to be but let’s pretend anyway.

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: September 21st

posted 09/21/2012
by Ian Fortey

Last week no one went to see any movies except for The Master. That’s cool, I figured it’d do OK because I have amazing skills of prognostication. This week things are opening up more and it’ll be a close call, man. Just you wait!

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: September 14th

posted 09/14/2012
by Ian Fortey

Oh man, I don’t know what happened but what an awesome week for movies. I usually have to toss in at least one movie I know no one is going to see to pad these columns out but this week I had to cut stuff because there’s so much awesomeness opening…

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The 5 Worst Places to Endure a Fart

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 23

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: November 16th

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 9th

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 2nd

It Came from the WalMart $5 Bin: Scary or Die

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 19th

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 12th

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: September 28th

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: September 21st

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: September 14th

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