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Three Movie Premises With Even Worse Pseudoscience than “Lucy”

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No matter how good Lucy’s story is, and no matter how soothing Morgan Freeman’s voice may be, it all falls apart because the basic premise (we only use 10% of our brains!) is total bullshit. The writers, producers, and director have to k…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 7th

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Last week After Earth farted onto screens that no one watched, ensuring that Fast 6 stayed on top of the heap pulling in a ton of cash that could have been used to buy food for the homeless. Ha ha ha! Anyway, on with this week.

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: May 31st

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Fast 6 dominated last week because zoom! I don’t get it but who am I to judge? Just a guy who judges each and every week in this article. Yes sir.

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Hansel and Gretel: Cinematic Gold!

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You may recall but will be forgiven if you don’t that last year a movie about Hansel and Gretel, the famous Grimm’s fairy tale, was released. It starred Hawkeye and a woman who’s fallen into a terrible trap of big budget failures whose name I’ll lo…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: May 24th

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We’re getting close to the time of year when it’s not even a guess what the number one movie is because studios just give up on trying to compete with each other and take turns releasing blockbusters. That said, last week was all about Star Trek bu…

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5 Versus Movies I’d Like to See

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Everyone likes a good versus movie I assume without even asking another human. Sure Alien vs Predator was a little weak and Freddy vs Jason was clearly a mistake, but the idea has potential. Cowboys vs Aliens was almost well liked and Godzilla vs …

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The 5 Worst Places to Endure a Fart

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Childish? Unnecessary? Sophomoric? No. Not at all. Listen, fart jokes are fart jokes and we’ve all heard our share but they exist for a reason – a fart is a real thing with real consequences and there are some places where farts just shouldn’t b…

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: May 17th

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Last week was all about Iron Man again because of course it was, all it had as competition was The Great Gatsby. This week a new brand of nerdism rears its ugly head and storms into theaters. Will any other movie have a chance? Ha ha ha, of cours…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: May 10th

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Last week, predictable, Iron Man 3 made all the money ever. According to Box Office Mojo it now holds the #2 spot for the greatest gap in box office take between the top grossing film and the second top grossing film in the same week. Iron Man 3 w…

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5 Things I Never Want To See a Ghost Do Again

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I’ve mentioned my distaste for ghosts in horror movies before bit I feel like the message really needs to be clarified. I just found out Paranormal Activity 5 comes out this year and, frankly, I’m absolutely disgusted. God, those are bad movies. …

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: May 3rd

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What a joke of an article this is going to be, in stark contrast to the usual seriousness of a series that solely exists for me to judge movies I have never and in most cases will never watch. That said, this week is especially delightful because c…

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What To Do With a GoPro Camera

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Some years ago I was given a GoPro camera and I promptly forgot I owned it and put it away somewhere only to just recently find it again. It’s a GoPro Hero HD 960 camera and its main purpose seems to be to take video from your POV while you dive in…

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