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Get Off My Lawn: American Traditions That Used to Be Great and Now Suck

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I’m only in my early 30s, but that’s old enough to recognize how much better some things were in the previous generation.

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The 7 Worst Films I Have Ever Seen

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There’s much to be said about the “worst” thing ever. The worst band, worst food, worst TV show, worst venereal disease. It’s a whole thing and often is rife with hyperbole. I could right now say that Michael Bay makes the worst movies ever, but …

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 8th

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Last week I actually saw Jack the Giant Slayer and it should be used to teach future generations about mediocrity. I’m as sour as an old spinster when I write these, aren’t I? Just crusty and unhappy about everything. Curse you Hollywood, make st…

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8 Characters You Need in a Wes Anderson Film

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Because I watched Moonrise Kingdom the other day and realized Wes Anderson has a wide/limited vision of filmmaking, let’s examine what goes into a Wes Anderson character. He makes quirky, critically adored movies that are chock full of thoughtful mo…

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 1st

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Last week was all snitches and dark skies and who cares about any of that? No one, that’s who. Movies this time of year seem kind of lazy overall, like everyone knows the summer movie season is on the way, which really starts in May, so it’s like …

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb. 22nd

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Last week, Bruce Willis fisted the competition into submission just as we all knew he would. You could film Bruce Willis trying different brands of spray-on hair for two hours, call it Die Hard and a Side of Flap Jacks and it’d still be number one …

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The 7 Best Fake Presidents of All Time

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Washington? Lincoln? JFK? Pretenders to the throne . The best Presidents have always been fictional because reality lacks panache. These are the best Presidents film has to offer. Behold!

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 15th

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I have no idea what he deal is this week since a bunch of movies open on Valentine’s Day which is the 14th and why the hell would you open a movie on a Thursday? Are they expecting a lot of movie dates that night and, if so, who the hell is having …

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 8th

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Oh man, remember last week? There was a zombie movie and a Stallone movie and they weren’t the same thing. I have nothing else to say about that. This week is what we in the industry call “a mixed bag” and by bag I obviously mean nutsack. Let’s g…

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What Happened to That Guy: 5 Squandered Potentials

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Hollywood is a weird place. I can say this with authority as I’ve been there on two separate occasions and once I spent a lot of time drinking. It’s built on piles of money all devoted to the seemingly arbitrary art of film, to making new Fast and…

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The 5 Best Places to Set a Horror Movie

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A horror movie fan is more passionate than any other kind of movie fan and I’ll tell you why – we wallow in disappointment. No other film genre so routinely suffers from disappointing films as horror.

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 1st

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January is finally over and with it, all bad movies. Ha ha! No, of course not, every week is bad movies with like three good ones a month. It’s a crap shoot. Which one is worth seeing? It’s hard to tell, especially if you guy by what I write si…

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