October 15th, 2008 | 06:27

We all know the Internet is pretty cool. It can give you everything from directions to the nearest tapas restaurant to multiple videos of flaming midget hamster trapeze porn. But a new study just found that only 74% of men prefer sex over the Internet. I'm sorry, but those numbers made me LOLcopter until I ROFLwaffles because those pwned n00bs were so WTF. (OMG!)

The study also says this:

21% of men would rather meet a woman online than in person

Yes, the Internet is awesome, but I have a special message for my misguided brothers: Dudes, if you aren't in a iron lung or were born without a penis or not named Stephen Hawking, then you need to take a look at your priorities and knock "checking my fantasy football team" and "playing Scrabulous" down a few notches and knock "having actual sex with a woman" up a few. Believe me, the Internet will always be there, but a naked woman will not.

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January 22nd, 2008 | 12:40

As I've detailed in a previous post, there's different types of nerds.  But I don't know if there's a type of nerd that covers these nerds.  They're like nerd-Lebron-Jameses:  We just call them freakish and stand in awe.

Two Star Wars-loving brothers are planning to set up a Jedi church in Wales.  Barney and Daniel Jones want fellow devotees to be able to join them on Anglesey, reports the BBC.

Barney, 26 - or Master Jonba Hehol - and Daniel, 21 - Master Morda Hehol - head the UK Church of the Jedi.  They say their services include sermons on The Force, light sabre training, and meditation techniques.

Jonba Hehol?  How did they come up with that name?  Is that the sound they made when a bully put his shoe up their asshole?  They might as well have named themselves "Master Grab My Face and Shove It In Dog Shit At A Large Social Gathering."

My brother and I will wear the Jedi robes, the dark brown robes...the congregation would be in black.  really to bring a sense of unity to the meetings," said Barney.

Although the current members are all men, women are not excluded, as Barney points out:  "Princess Leia helped them out a lot."

It's quotes like that last one that make those in the porn industry know they'll have consumers no matter how bad a recession we have.

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January 2nd, 2008 | 04:57

Dudes wearing Spock ears are shitting their space suits right now because some nerd put together 81 photos of the hottest women of Star Trek. If you have friends and don't live in your parents basement, this photo montage of chicks with bad haircuts wearing 60s-style disco outfits may not qualify as porn. But if you wear your virginity as a badge of honor and still have braces, then this was made for you.

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