This photo of New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick staring at an ass at an NIT basketball game leaves me with a few questions. They are, in order of importance:
1. Why is Bill staring at that dumpy ass?
2. Is Bill trying to figure out if that’s a guy’s or a girl’s ass?
3. Do you think Bill’s bright-green hat says “I Loves Me Some Ass Staring”?
4. How long did Bill stare at that ass? (I hope it was 4 minutes.)
5. Is Bill holding a pile of shit in his hands?
If anyone has any answers to these questions, please let me know.
The last time we saw Asante Samuel, he was dropping a game ending interception in the Super Bowl. Apparently he feels like he needs to punish himself for that mistake, so he signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. Yahoo sports reports:
Philadelphia got its first one of 2008, signing the free-agent cornerback to a six-year contract on Friday and ending Samuel’s five-year stint in New England.
“I just want a chance to be able to win and get back to the Super Bowl,” Samuel said. “That’s why I picked the Philadelphia Eagles.”
Excuse me, what? That’s like saying, “I wanted to get laid really badly, so I’m deciding to burn all my money and shit my pants twice a day.” Ass-ante, you were on a team that almost went un-defucking-feated. I’d rather join that team on Friday Night Lights and live in that shit hole town than take up a roster spot on the Philadelphia Eagles. At least there are hot slutty chicks who like to party in Texas.
What’s the No. 11 book on Amazon.com’s bestseller list as of 1:50 this afternoon?
That book is “19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England’s Unbeatable Patriots,” from the staff of the Boston Globe, and an instant collector’s item.
Something tells me somewhere in North Boston Bill Simmons is huddled in his bedroom and reading this book out loud to his dad and his buddy Gus or Murphy or whoever. Can we stop with the Boston-centric bullshit now? Between the Red Sox and the Pats and this year’s Celtics you whiners win all the time. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? They lost. Get over it. And if that’s not enough to ruin your week, I have some more bad news: One day, Larry Bird will die.
I have no idea what to say about this. This Pats fan refers to herself as “Rice Girl” and she likes to “rap” about her favorite football team while wearing very large breasts and a very small bikini top. Nothing I say will do this video justice, so just watch it.
(4)
