News – Holytaco

The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

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How Much To Beat Up Michael Lohan?

posted 10/12/2008
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I’ve never paid money to fight a celebrity. The closest I’ve come is one time I paid a 10 dollar cover to get into a music show, and I accidentally bumped into the chick who played Punky Brewster and she turned around really angrily, a…

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The Great Depression Vs. The New Depression

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As the economy struggles to find itself, there are new fears that America will be plunged into an economic downward spiral that would rival the Great Depression of the 1930s. But if we look around, it seems that we might already be in the early stag…

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News Headlines Don’t Get Any Better Than This

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There’s really no point in even writing the news article if you’ve already got a headline like this. We have all the information we really need and adding in anything else like facts or dates or details would just feel like overkill. Ot…

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What’s Your Favorite Flavor?

posted 10/11/2008
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Broadway Musicals Are Trying To Be For Men, Too

posted 10/10/2008
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Some important people on Broadway are doing a musical about Spiderman. From Film Drunk: “Broadway producer Julie Taymor (The Lion King) is working on a broadway musical about Spiderman…the budget is $40 million, the most expensive pro…

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People Like To Smack The Crap Out Of Zac Efron

posted 10/09/2008
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There’s just some people, when you see them, you just want to smack the shit out of them. Zac Efron is one of those people. And the dude in the above left of this picture is about to smack the shit out of him. Dailymail reports: A man,thou…

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If The Prostitute Gets Tired, Shoot Her

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I’ve never purchased the services of a prostitute, but I guess there are a few points of negotiation that need to be agreed upon before the coitus can commence. Positions and type are probably no brainers, but one obvious point that most John…

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What People In Hooters Are Really Thinking

posted 10/08/2008
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If you ever wondered what was going on in the minds of those people who work and eat at Hooters, wonder no more.

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I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter In My Eye (Oh, It Is)

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I used to think those fancy spas were just full of rich women getting overpriced pedicures and putting some faux-exotic European-sounding “treatments” like mango oils or rutabaga essence rubbed into their hair. But this spa in Philly (o…

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What’s Written In The Bathrooom Stalls Of Congress

posted 10/06/2008
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Bathroom stalls are a place for low brow potty humor and anonymous insults. If you think the bathroom walls of Congress are any different, think again.

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If Sarah Palin Was A Garbage Pail Kid

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Garbage Pail Kids were up there with the Snot Shot Gun when it came to kid’s toys. So, it’s nice to see the Garbage Pail gang keeping up with the current state of politics. Now we just need “Barack of Lamb” and “Shit S…

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The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

How Much To Beat Up Michael Lohan?

The Great Depression Vs. The New Depression

News Headlines Don’t Get Any Better Than This

What’s Your Favorite Flavor?

Broadway Musicals Are Trying To Be For Men, Too

People Like To Smack The Crap Out Of Zac Efron

If The Prostitute Gets Tired, Shoot Her

What People In Hooters Are Really Thinking

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter In My Eye (Oh, It Is)

What’s Written In The Bathrooom Stalls Of Congress

If Sarah Palin Was A Garbage Pail Kid

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