News – Holytaco

The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

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This Baby Gorilla Is Going To Grow Up To Be a Terrifying Adult Gorilla

posted 11/10/2011
by Jim Tews

This Baby Gorilla Is Going To Grow Up To Be a Terrifying Adult Gorilla

Awwwwwwwww! Look at that baby gorilla! It’s absolutely adorable! We can hardly take it! While this story and image of this orphaned baby gorilla is circulating, we just wanted to make sure all of you were aware that baby gorillas turn into ad…

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Ten Reasons Why Porn On Planes Is a Bad Idea

posted 11/09/2011
by Jim Tews

Ten Reasons Why Porn On Planes Is a Bad Idea

“Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn’t we?” That’s what Michael O’Leary, the head of Ryan Airlines said in defense of his decision to screen porn on his planes. There’s a lot of reasons you shouldnR…

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How to Make Real News More Interesting

posted 11/03/2011
by Ian Fortey

This week the news has been dominated by Kardashians, Biebers, allegations of Jon Stewart racism, Juggalos becoming a recognized gang and who got voted off Dancing with the Stars, which is apparently still a thing. You may be surprised to learn th…

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10 Reasons to Have Your Next Meal at the Heart Attack Grill

posted 10/20/2011
by Jim Tews

10 Reasons to Have Your Next Meal at the Heart Attack Grill

We’ve spent a fair amount of time making fun of America’s eating habits, and the establishments that support them, but usually we were exaggerating, or even fabricating the stories to point out the ridiculousness of the whole thing. We …

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How To Properly Identify A Ferocious Tiger

posted 10/19/2011
by Jim Tews

In case you were unaware, dozens of large, exotic animals have been wandering around Zanesville, Ohio. Apparently, their owner opened up their cages, letting them to roam free, then conveniently killed himself. The once quiet, rural Ohio town now r…

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I Know You’re Only Nine, But I’m Too Drunk To Drive…

posted 10/18/2011
by Jim Tews

“Hey Kiddo, come here for a second. Daddy want’s to talk to you for a minute.” The little girl walks closer to her father, he squats down to meet her at eye level, but loses his balance and rolls onto his back. He makes a half-hea…

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An Open Letter To The World’s 7 Billionth Person

posted 10/17/2011
by Jim Tews

Hey there, seven-billionth person born on earth. I don’t know how old you’ll be when you end up reading this, but let’s assume you’ll be old enough to know how to read. That’d put you at about age seven, if you’r…

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The Kraken Is Real

posted 10/11/2011
by Jim Tews

Good news, what you’ve believed all along is absolutely true (for the most part) and there is (sort of) scientific proof — the Kraken is real. Just in case you’re not familiar with what a Kraken is, it’s that giant octopus-l…

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Wuh-Whoa! Your Twitter and Facebook Posts Affect Your Chances At Getting a Job!

posted 10/06/2011
by Jim Tews

Reppler posted the resutls of a recent survey of 300 people in suits who are in charge of, or at least part of the hiring process where they work has shown that what you’re putting on your social media outlets could be keeping you from gettin…

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Eulogizing Doritos Inventor Arch West

posted 09/27/2011
by Jim Tews

Seeing as though the Holy Taco staff is a team of talented writers who probably eat more Doritos than most writers, we feel as though we’re more qualified than even some of West’s family members to eulogize one of the most influential m…

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A List Of Things To Do Before The Falling Satellite Kills You

posted 09/22/2011
by Jim Tews

A List Of Things To Do Before The Falling Satellite Kills You

If you have plans for the weekend you may want to cancel them, or at least move them forward really quickly. There’s a chance you might get nailed with a piece of a satellite that’s going to be careening towards North America. The chanc…

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The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

This Baby Gorilla Is Going To Grow Up To Be a Terrifying Adult Gorilla

Ten Reasons Why Porn On Planes Is a Bad Idea

How to Make Real News More Interesting

10 Reasons to Have Your Next Meal at the Heart Attack Grill

How To Properly Identify A Ferocious Tiger

I Know You’re Only Nine, But I’m Too Drunk To Drive…

An Open Letter To The World’s 7 Billionth Person

The Kraken Is Real

Wuh-Whoa! Your Twitter and Facebook Posts Affect Your Chances At Getting a Job!

Eulogizing Doritos Inventor Arch West

A List Of Things To Do Before The Falling Satellite Kills You

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