News – Holytaco

The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

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It’s Beer O’Clock: The Beerdolier, Beck’s and BeerMail

posted 08/14/2008
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The next time you’re in the jungle, fighting some faceless terrorist organization, you’re should probably skip the bullet belt and opt for the Beerdolier. Or you can just wear this to your next party and give yourself a name like Rambee…

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No More Playboy Mansion Parties?

posted 08/13/2008
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The night I was at the Playboy Mansion for a party, I saw two very different approaches for trying to bang playmates. The first was the “Celeb Move” which was used by Jeremy Piven. He simply stood near the playmates and pretended to t…

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Julia Child Killed Nazis?

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The only thing I remember about Julia Child is that my brother told me when I was 9 that if I was “ever doing a super hot chick and you wanted to stop from blowing your load, think of her.” Then he added, “but I guess it won̵…

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Scientists Prove Beer Goggles Are Real. Non-Scientists Respond, “Duhhhh.”

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You know, with diseases such as cancer, MS, herpes, AIDS and heart disease going uncured, it seems odd that some so-called “scientists” would spend time trying to prove or disprove Beer Goggles. But they did, according to smh.com: A tes…

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P. Diddy Boasts Of Erections. World Sickened

posted 08/12/2008
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I’ve done exactly one red carpet event, and that was so I could go to the Playboy Mansion. I’ll never do another because it’s pretty much the dumbest experience possible. You basically have to sit there and shout compliments to …

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Actually, This Isn’t A Fun Thing To Do With Mom

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Other crap to look at: Jeanne Fox is attractive (cameltap) Miley Cyrus and her spoiled brat face (drunkenstepfather) Bethany Marie hates clothes (gorillamask) Menia Mathioudaki also hates clothes (hornyoyster) Jenny McCarthy bikini pics (doubleviki…

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John Edwards’s Mistress Plays One On TV?

posted 08/11/2008
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When I was in second grade I got caught cheating on my second grade girlfriend. She was sick that day with chicken pox and I decided to make this other girl in class my coloring partner for the day, which is basically the second grade equivalent o…

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Lost Cast Wants More Money

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Watching Lost is like listening to my dad tell me a story; I know I’m going to have sit through forty-five minutes of meandering bullshit before anything actually happens in the story. Unfortunately with Lost, my mom can’t chime in hal…

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Douchebag Replaces Dumbass As Favorite Insult

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If you haven’t noticed over the past few years, the word “douchebag” is everywhere. It’s in movies, TV shows, magazine articles and blogs. It’s only a matter of time before your mom calls you a douchebag for using the …

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Spanish Olympic Basketball Team Possibly Racist

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It’s not often in this day and age of political correctness to see a large group of people being totally racist. Unless you live in Spain. According to the Guardian: Spain’s Olympic basketball teams have risked upsetting their Chinese h…

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Jake Gyllenhaal On Steroids? You Be The Judge

posted 08/10/2008
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Photo courtesy of splashnews There’s a dude in my office who sits next to me who drinks protein shakes three times a day in an attempt to get buff. I think Jake Gyllenhaal ate that dude. This picture is taken from the set of “Prince o…

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The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

It’s Beer O’Clock: The Beerdolier, Beck’s and BeerMail

No More Playboy Mansion Parties?

Julia Child Killed Nazis?

Scientists Prove Beer Goggles Are Real. Non-Scientists Respond, “Duhhhh.”

P. Diddy Boasts Of Erections. World Sickened

Actually, This Isn’t A Fun Thing To Do With Mom

John Edwards’s Mistress Plays One On TV?

Lost Cast Wants More Money

Douchebag Replaces Dumbass As Favorite Insult

Spanish Olympic Basketball Team Possibly Racist

Jake Gyllenhaal On Steroids? You Be The Judge

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