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Bad Headlines with Worse Stories

part2

Yesterday I read a headline that made me laugh and, without reading the story, I just made up what I assumed happened. I was way off, as it happens, but the real story was depressing and uninteresting.

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Drink This: Glenlivet 25 Year Old

Drink This: Glenlivet 25 Year Old

Let’s face it, drinking is pretty awesome. And drinking scotch is really awesome, so it’s time to put down your pomegranate wine spritzer and graduate to the big boy liquors. Glenlivet just released the The Glenlivet XXV, which, clockin…

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Why Don’t They Just Say “Fat”?

Why Don’t They Just Say “Fat”?

You know your life already sucks when you’re on the run from the Feds. But you know it probably doesn’t get any worse when you click on CNN.com from your hideout and see that you’re also being referred to as “jowly.”

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Elf Ears: Just What Your Head is Missing

Elf Ears: Just What Your Head is Missing

Body modification is pretty awesome. Well, not really, but I’m going to pretend it is for this post. Using this form of…uhh, expression(?), people have turned themselves into cats, cyborgs and just plain ugly people. But now, with a lit…

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20 Years Of Madden Covers

20 Years Of Madden Covers

As you probably know, the newest installment of the Madden video game series comes out next week. And since it’s been around for 20 years, here’s all 20 of the covers, starting when that handsome devil himself was the one who graced the …

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Sexual Harassment Is Totally Cool In Russia

Sexual Harassment Is Totally Cool In Russia

The people of Russia have done and said a lot of great stuff over time (“In Russia, toilet paper uses you!”, communism), but I think we have a new winner. According to telegraph.co.uk: A Russian advertising executive who sued her boss f…

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Morgan Freeman In Deep Impact, But Okay

Morgan Freeman In Deep Impact, But Okay

As many of you know, Morgan Freeman was in a really bad accident where they had to use the Jaws Of Life to get him out.  Above is his car, a 1997 Nissan Maxima.  Either he was too close to a T-Rex cage when the power went out during a storm, or he …

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Thank God For These Hat Instructions

Thank God For These Hat Instructions

Getting a hat in the mail is always pretty tricky. What do you do with it? Do you use it as a foot rest? Do you sit on it? I mean, it’s a hat, there’s so many things you can do with it, that it’s really hard to tell what you’…

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Oprah Makes 385 Million A Year

Oprah Makes 385 Million A Year

Some things are too massive for me to comprehend, like space or Prince Fielder. So when I heard this, I couldn’t really wrap my head around it: Usmagazine reports Oprah Winfrey earns a whopping $385 million a year. If Oprah deserves that muc…

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Man Calls 911 After Subway Forgot His Sauce

Man Calls 911 After Subway Forgot His Sauce

911 is probably the most important phone number in our society. It’s a dependable lifeline you can reach out to when you are seriously injured, being attacked…or if that lazy Subway sandwich artist leaves the important sauces off your s…

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Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Have Baby, Will Show

Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Have Baby, Will Show

I love when people are like “Oh my God, you HAVE to see this picture of my baby,” and then they show me the picture and it’s just their baby, lying there.  This is not okay.  If a friend came up to  you and was like “Oh my G…

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Church Signs That Won’t Make You Go To Church

Church Signs That Won’t Make You Go To Church

Driving across the rural parts of America you’ll undoubtedly notice the large number of churches that use their signs to try and draw people into their church with a joke or a pun or some good old fashioned fire and brimstone fear. The proble…

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