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Bad Headlines with Worse Stories

part2

Yesterday I read a headline that made me laugh and, without reading the story, I just made up what I assumed happened. I was way off, as it happens, but the real story was depressing and uninteresting.

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Britney Spears Likes Phone Sex

Britney Spears Likes Phone Sex

Here’s my problem with phone sex: I’m never exactly sure when a dirty question a girl asks is rhetorical or something she actually wants me to answer, so the few times I’ve tried it, I’ve ended up killing the mood because sh…

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Katherine Heigl, No More Talking For You

Katherine Heigl, No More Talking For You

Katherine Heigl is on a mission to piss off and alienate everyone who is able to formulate words and thoughts.  Earlier this year she complained about Knocked Up being sexist, even though it basically made her career, and now this: Popsugar.com rep…

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Kelly Osbourne Got Totally Wasted

Kelly Osbourne Got Totally Wasted

Kelly Osbourne is either doing an awesome impersonation of a wasted mummy…or she’s just totally wasted. And from what the Sun UK says, it looks like it’s the latter: “…Kelly then needed a helping hand from her PA and a…

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Scientists Love A Nice, Gigantic Ass

Scientists Love A Nice, Gigantic Ass

Finally, some science I can get behind. According to Reuters.com: CHICAGO (Reuters) – A type of fat that accumulates around the hips and bottom may actually offer some protection against diabetes, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday. Kahn said h…

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Tom Brady Calls Role Play

Tom Brady Calls Role Play

I’ve seen Shawshank Redemption probably 100 times.  It’s a fantastic movie.  But at right about my 80th viewing, at the very end when Andy and Red hug on the beach at Zihuatanejo, I for some reason really wanted a killer whale to sudden…

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Tom Cruise Takes The Stairs

Tom Cruise Takes The Stairs

This is a photo from a Gala a couple nights ago. I feel like if no one knew who Tom Cruise was, I could show this photo to the special effects team that did Lord of The Rings and tell them I did it and they’d hire me based solely upon this s…

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Fatass Monkeys Look A Lot Like Fatass Humans

Fatass Monkeys Look A Lot Like Fatass Humans

These monkeys in a Japanese zoo have been so overfed by treat-bearing tourists, that these monkeys have become as fat as the treat-bearing tourists who made them this way. According to dailymail.co.uk: About 50 Macaca mulatta monkeys at Ohama park …

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Amy Winehouse-Like Creature Loose

Amy Winehouse-Like Creature Loose

The above photo is of Amy Winehouse on vacation.  I think.  It also might be a microscopic photo of the virus that causes herpes.  But, people.com says it’s Winehouse. Amy Winehouse was drastically dressed down last weekend while enjoying a U…

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Lindsay Lohan Steals Coats

Lindsay Lohan Steals Coats

See, it’s stories like these that make me not want to go outside in my 11,000 dollar coat.  People.com reports: Masha Markova, a student at Columbia University, put down her $11,000 blond mink coat with other partygoers’ jackets at the …

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The White Sox Can Blow While They Suck

The White Sox Can Blow While They Suck

Mired in a five game losing streak, the Chicago White Sox attempted to bring a “slump buster” into their locker room last Sunday with a few baseball bats and a couple of blow up dolls. According to the suntimes.com: On Sunday, the bats …

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Matthew Broderick: I Like Gay Men

Matthew Broderick: I Like Gay Men