News – Holytaco

The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

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One Step Forward, Two Feet Back

posted 12/03/2007
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If I had been born with some sort of physical abnormality (aside from a bad case of micropenis and something the nurses called “shitty face”) I would take everything that life would give me. Well, Wang Fang (yes, that’s her real n…

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Elizabeth Berkley dances! With her clothes on.

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Star Magazine reports Elizabeth Berkley, who played Jesse Spano on the critically acclaimed crime-drama Saved By the Bell, and the lead in Showgirls, (the Citizen Kane of movies you hid underneath your mattress) will be hosting Bravo’s new se…

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Amy Winehouse is Not Just Another Pretty Face

posted 12/02/2007
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Photo credit: Hollywood Rag.com The embarrassment of morning face can be, well, embarrassing. After waking up to a “disturbance outside her house, the Daily Mail is reporting that Bobblehead Winehouse got up, decided to not put on a shirt, s…

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You Go To Hell And Die, Tom Brady

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As you sit down tonight to watch the Patriots consume, then crap out the Ravens, there’s something you need to think about: Why it’s not okay to root for Tom Brady. The Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl this year. Fine. Good f…

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You Are Dumberer Than A Monkey

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It’s nice to know that for all of humankind’s progress (nuclear bombs, breast implants) we are still no smarter than our primate cousins. Japanese researchers gave some college students and some chimpanzees a memory test and well, I can…

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Lock of the Weekend!

posted 11/29/2007
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NEW ORLEANS (-3) Over Tampa Bay See, look at that Tampa Bay guy on the ground. He knows they suck. The buccaneers have said they’ll either start Bruce Gradkowski or Luke McCown at Quarterback. I’m sure that will be an exciting coaches…

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Hogan to Wife: Pay For Your Own Shit

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According to usmagazine.com Hulk Hogan, pictured here with the Ultimate Warrior, has contested his wife’s alimony claims. “Linda is capable of supporting both herself and our son, Nick, who turns 18 in July,” says Hogan I don̵…

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Favre Injures Perfect Elbow, Handsome Shoulder

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The collective shart you heard last night came from the tiny, football-loving town of Green Bay. After smashing his elbow on Nate Jones’ helmet, football’s Captain America suffered nerve damage in his throwing arm and dislocated his non…

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Posh Spice Bans Beckham From Show

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Victoria Beckham has told her husband, fashion model David Beckham, that he’s not allowed to attend the first Spice Girls show. Yes, I’m sure he’s crushed. It’s great when your girlfriend tells you you’re not allowed t…

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Pam Anderson To Retire…In Five Years

posted 11/28/2007
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Pam Anderson announces in five years, she’s going to retire. Hmmm. File this under, “For the love of God someone please pay attention to me.” It makes me sad to see Pam Anderson get old. It’s like watching one of the o…

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The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

One Step Forward, Two Feet Back

Elizabeth Berkley dances! With her clothes on.

Amy Winehouse is Not Just Another Pretty Face

You Go To Hell And Die, Tom Brady

You Are Dumberer Than A Monkey

Lock of the Weekend!

Hogan to Wife: Pay For Your Own Shit

Favre Injures Perfect Elbow, Handsome Shoulder

Posh Spice Bans Beckham From Show

Pam Anderson To Retire…In Five Years

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