Nick Hogan Hates His Cell

So apparently Nick Hogan hasn’t been adjusting to jail very well.  The New York Post reports:

 ”They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.”

First off, I like how people are surprised he’s not adjusting well to jail.  Who the f%&k goes to jail and is like “wow, you know, I thought this was going to be bad, but really, I haven’t missed a beat!  I normally spend my waking hours making sure no one is planning on raping me, so this was just more of the same, except now I have more time for reading.”

Secondly, how could Nick Hogan have NOT understood how awful jail was.  Did he not see the episode of Family Matters where Carl is forced to throw Urkel in jail for grand theft auto, even though it was only a hilarious misunderstanding? The thing is, Nick Hogan is getting special treatment.  If there’s anybody who watches wrestling, it’s prison guards, and they’re for sure fans of the Hulkster.  I think Hogan’s cell probably looks something like this:

See, rapes occur most frequently when an inmate is urinating, that’s when the Ultimate Warrior stands guard allowing Hogan to piss while making what seems to be an incredibly smug face.

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Hulk Hogan’s Son Put In Headlock By Judge

When I was younger, I always thought it would be really cool if Hulk Hogan was my dad.  But I also used to want to live in a house made of fruit roll ups.  In retrospect, they both seem kind of like bad ideas.  Usmagazine.com reports:

Nick Bollea (Hogan’s son) was sentenced to eight months in Florida’s Pinellas County Jail for felony reckless driving Thursday after pleading no contest in in court.

This is one of the first times in recent memory I’ve heard of a celebrity or a child of a celebrity, actually serving jail time.  That’s a good move going by Nick Bollea because you gotta figure in jail, the fewer reasons some has to rape you, the better off you are.  Thus, if somebody was like “I can either rape one of these two men, but I’m undecided at this point,” and someone came up to him and was like “That one is Hulk Hogan’s son,” I think that’s enough to cause said rapist to be like “Well, all things being equal, I’d rather rape someone of note.”

I still can’t believe he actually got sentenced.  It makes me wonder who the judge was.

Very uncool Macho Man, very uncool.

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