I want you to look at something and know that it’s not my fault. I didn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this. But it’s a thing that happened and I never knew about it until just now, two years after the fact. Just look.
Let’s jump right in to this: your first sexual experience will be a failure on par with that terrible memory you have of that time you forgot your lines in the school play and, in lieu of dialogue, you chose to urinate all over your Tin Man c…