pain – Holytaco

The Nut Shot Conspiracy

I am about to betray mankind. When I say mankind I legitimately mean men. I am turning my back, ever so briefly, on dudes. Sorry, bro. This needs to be done. Very few people have ever kicked or been kicked in the nuts.

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The Morning Jolt – Crab Vengeance at 1:02

posted 10/25/2011
by Ian Fortey

The Morning Jolt – Crab Vengeance at 1:02

You know it’s going to happen. Why this idiot didn’t know it is anyone’s guess.

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5 Things Stuck in a Very Sensitive Place

posted 09/14/2011
by Ian Fortey

So we were all set to post a very timely and scholarly article about Living Social and their 50% off deal at Whole Foods (just playing, I looked that up on Trends. I thought Living Social was an app on Facebook where you water pretend plants and h…

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The 12 Deviant Days of Christmas: 10 Painful Toys

posted 12/16/2010
by dgallagher

Toys are designed to do two things: bring joy and happiness to children through the act of playing and bring sorrow and frustration to their parents through their wallets. It’s supposed to distract children from the horrors that await them when the…

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First Law Of Robotics: Don’t Kill Humans. Second Law: See First Law

posted 10/18/2010
by

Some years ago, acclaimed sci-fi author Isaac Asimov wrote three easy-to-follow rules for robotics. They go a little something like this: 1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to c…

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A Letter To Activia, The Bowel-Shattering Yogurt

posted 10/01/2010
by

Hey, Activia. For the past couple of years I’ve watched your Jamie Lee Curtis commercials and never cared one way or another about your existence. Yogurt isn’t really one of those things a person can get amped up about. Sure, you can cr…

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The Hidden Dangers of Strip Clubs

posted 08/03/2010
by

You think of strip clubs as all fun and games and nipple tassles, but there’s oodles more to it than all of that. There’s boiled perogie dinners, there’s the old guy who is there 7 nights a week, there’s that mysterious she…

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5 Snacks That Lacerate Your Mouth

posted 07/07/2010
by

Experimentation is the mother of bisexuality, or something like that. Or maybe science is the furious master of experimentation. Hell if we know. But we do know that there’s truth in the belief that some foods are more danger…

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25 Balls to the Face – Video Edition

posted 06/25/2010
by

One year ago today, we brought you a photo gallery of people getting hit in the face with balls. Today, we’d like to do the same thing. Except with video. Why? Because recycling ideas is fun and easy, that’s why. …

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The Holy Taco Guide to Legally Numbing the Pain

posted 06/15/2010
by

Let’s face it, everyone has bad days. Some of us have far more than others. Think of the proctologist. That’s a man who looks at asses all day long. Now you may be an ass person yourself and thinking “that’s not so bad.&…

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Kid Solidifies “Only Child” Status

posted 10/08/2009
by

If you enjoy having balls, don’t ever make the mistake of having a kid and a pool at the same time. If you already have a kid and a pool, then just tie the kid up to a stake in the yard so you know where he is in proximity to you…

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The Nut Shot Conspiracy

The Morning Jolt – Crab Vengeance at 1:02

5 Things Stuck in a Very Sensitive Place

The 12 Deviant Days of Christmas: 10 Painful Toys

First Law Of Robotics: Don’t Kill Humans. Second Law: See First Law

A Letter To Activia, The Bowel-Shattering Yogurt

The Hidden Dangers of Strip Clubs

5 Snacks That Lacerate Your Mouth

25 Balls to the Face – Video Edition

The Holy Taco Guide to Legally Numbing the Pain

Kid Solidifies “Only Child” Status

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