You know how sometimes you’ll be sitting there, watching TV and realize that a fish is stuck inside your penis? Yeah, it happens so often I’m surprised this even made the news.
A 2cm long fish apparently found it’s way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India.
“A 14 year old boy came to us with complaints of pain, difficulty in voiding with dribbling of urine. On further questioning he gave an interesting history. While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. While he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms,” said doctors.
See, it was totally an accident. He was holding his fish while he was taking a leak (and who can remember the last time they took a leak when they WEREN’T holding a fish?) and he dropped it and it fell right into his pee hole. Case closed. This is a lot like the time “my friend” was holding a huge black rubber dildo. It slipped out of his hand and fell repeatedly into his ass while he was accidentally using a jar of mayonnaise to masturbate. See how easy it is for wacky things like this can happen?
Other crap to look at:
Christina Milian in a slutty dress (drunkenstepfather)
Nikoletta Ralli is hot (doubleviking)
Idiot gets tazed for $25 (cameltap)
Farabe Cottingham is really hot (gorillamask)
Badger kills cobra, then regrets it (nothingtoxic)
Oprah and the most intense child in America (BestWeekEver)
Getting slapped in slow mo looks cool (EJB)
Jennifer Aniston is proper (TheBlemish)
The Top 5 sexiest things about teachers (TheFrisky)
Mike Tyson fights with a broken back (afrojacks)
Man vs. Table. Table wins. (donchavez)
Gemma Atkinson in NUts mag (hornyoyster)
It really doesn’t take much to amuse me. Anything having to do with bodily fluids or crippled people falling down usually does it for me. And we’ve all had our kicks from cranking the volume/jockeying the slo-mo on Disney cartoons over the years to get in on the voice actors’ and cartoonists’ pervy parts, like Aladdin telling kids to take it off, the priest having an erection in The Little Mermaid, or “sex” spelled out in the dust from The Lion King.
But the subliminal stuff can be too much work, especially since I was working with a VCR back in the day with my dad screaming, “You skipped it again, you queer!” over my shoulder. I like the obvious stuff, say…oh, like Fred and Barney making an old fashioned penis joke. Those two bastards certainly did have a gay old time.
If I had a nickel for every time a flying peniscopter came swooping in during one of my many important speeches, well, I don’t think I would have any nickels. But this Russian guy would have at least one.
There are a lot of excuses men use for having a small penis or not being able to get an erection during sex. “I’ve been under a lot of stress,” “It doesn’t get full size when the air is dry,” “I thought I heard your parents come home. I know they’re on vacation, but I thought I did and once I think that, you know, that’s it.” But I have NEVER, EVER, heard an excuse like this: Reuters reports:
Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
I love being a dude, but holy shit we will stop at no lengths to find a reason for our penises being subpar. Imagine having this conversation while failing to impress a girl the first time she sees your penis:
MAN: No, seriously, my penis used to be HUGE, but then I cut off this guy in traffic, and well, wouldn’t you know it, he turned out to be a sorcerer that steals penises.
WOMAN: But your penis is there, it’s just really small.
MAN: Well, by stealing I meant “make smaller.”
WOMAN: What about the fact that you can’t get an erection?
MAN: Penis Sorcerer. Also I think he had something to do with my apartment bathroom being really gross.
You think just because someone’s elected, they get to be president? No sir, before anybody moves into the White House, they have to pass an entrance exam.
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