I know we’re at war and we’re one month away from an election, but I just have one unpatriotic question: Why does the USA suck so much? Sure, we have free speech and a shitload of Burger Kings, but where are our restaurants that employ monkey waiters? All the recent talk of how we’re run by the free market isn’t holding much water when Japan is kicking our ass in the “Mind-Blowing Ideas That Will Make A Lot Of Money” department. Do you understand how many times I would eat at a restaurant that had macaque monkeys bringing me a beer in exchange for boiled soybeans? I would be there for breakfast, brunch, lunch, lupper, linner, dinner, supper and a midnight snack. And then I might pop in there just to say “hi” if i had a spare moment between linner and dinner.
Other crap to look at:
Rose McGowan talks to the paparazzi (drunkenstepfather)
Kim Kardashian says her boobs are real (FListed)
Brandy Dahl hates clothes (gorillamask)
Gogo Mastrokosta has a hilarious name. But is super hot. (doubleviking)
Drunk soccer fan face falls off bleachers (nothingtoxic)
Tourette’s guy remix (cameltap)
Katy Perry is stacked (theblemish)
Clown flips out at a kid’s party (EJB)
If you’re going to be a nerd, do it with beer (tastybooze)
Awesome coffins (funtasticus)
Nicolette Sheriden in a bikini (donchavez)
Lisa Ann will be playing Sarah Palin in the new porno called Nailin’ Paylin (afrojacks)
There are a lot of times when I just want to get something to eat, but before I order a hamburger I often ask myself, “Am I a prostitute?” Well, thankfully this Chinese restaurant has provided a helpful security staff to answer my question. Why can’t my local Applebee’s take a page out of China’s book and kindly tell me if I will have sex with strangers for money?
Other crap to look at:
Gisele takes off her top for GQ (Cameltap)
Even cats like to drink (doubleviking)
This video sucks (drunkenstepfather)
Nikki Sanderson doesn’t like clothes (hornyoyster)
Robert Downey Jr has a golden turd (best week ever)
Should you floss with bacon? Yes. (tastybooze)
This isn’t going to end well (weakgame)
If there’s one thing that makes me really, really hungry, it’s a nice big toilet. Modern Toilet Restaurant, based in Taipei, offers toilets instead of seats to patrons. And if that’s not enough, instead of plates, they give you your food in toilet-shaped bowls. Oh, and instead of giving you food that doesn’t look like feces, they sell soft-serve chocolate ice cream that looks a lot like feces. Man, just thinking about a big pile of steaming dump is really making me hungry. If you’ll excuse me, since I don’t live in Taiwan, I’m going to go have lunch in my boring old bathroom.
There are quite a few things about this clip that I love. I really like that there’s somebody waiting at the drive through right as the channel 9 news crew walks past their car and starts pointing at the bathroom. Here’s a good rule: if you’re EVER at the drive through of a fast food place, and you see a TV news crew walk past your car and point at the bathroom, you cancel your order and you drive away.
Secondly, there’s a news crew there to talk about how this restaurant is putting bread in the shitter so you’d think the manager of the place would call a meeting and be like “Okay team, we’re not putting the bread in the shitter today. We’re putting it (insert any place but the shitter).” But apparently he just said the first part, and not where to put it, because the employees in charge take the bread towards the shitter, then have this really lost look on their face, like it’s their first time in New York city or something.
Most of the time I like to celebrate the little cultural differences that span the globe. I like that we aren’t all one homogenous race of people all sharing the same likes and dislikes. This is not one of those times. Apparently people in a small Taiwanese village devour rats like potato chips. According to dzrbenson.com:
Both Restaurants in a Taiwan village display hairless rat carcasses in their kitchen windows before chopping off the heads and throwing the pint-sized bodies and tails into pots.
Both restaurants are full at meal times as the rat race for gnawing customers reaches fever pitch.
“Most people who come in here at first have a psychological barrier, but once they take a bite, they don’t mind.”
The rats grow up on crops from fields surrounding the village of Lucao in Chiayi county - which means they are not dirty rats from sewers.
Oooooh, they’re not from sewers? Well thank God. Let’s fire a couple dozen up for the Super Bowl party. On a personal note, I actually ate guinea pig a few years ago at a Peruvian restaurant. It was basically on a dare from my friends (after I dared myself to drink 11 Coronas.) It was served to me whole while splayed out on a bed of potatoes and minor wisps of whiskers still poked out from it’s smiling cheek. As I dug my fork into its tiny, nearly-meatless haunch I took a bite of what tasted like wet dog hair. I politely smiled at my waiter, put my fork down and forced myself to swallow the only bite of guinea pig I will ever put in my mouth. I’m no zoologist, but I’m pretty sure guinea pig = rat in the flavor spectrum.
You think just because someone’s elected, they get to be president? No sir, before anybody moves into the White House, they have to pass an entrance exam.
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