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Local Hack Writes Fake News, About to Fool Everyone…Again

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Yet another unfunny troll’s bullshit “fake news” is about to be made viral by an unquestioning Internet. State officials, and anybody else who doesn’t just skim headlines and hulk smash their keyboard in pure rage, are flabbe…

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The Failed and Forgotten Acting Career of John Wilkes Booth

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John Wilkes Booth was a famous and talented actor for a few years back in the 1860′s, and then he broke his leg and just disappeared. Nobody seems to care about his fame, fortune, or scene-stealing Shakespearean performances anymore, and for t…

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The 5 Strongest Reasons to Oppose Gay Marriage

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Gay people getting married has consumed more of our collective time in the last decade or so than any of us could possibly imagine. Many of you probably think all of this effort to stop two people from getting married could have been better spent f…

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Randy Travis Defends Himself For Being Drunk In Public

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Well, y’all caught me. I was drinking, in front of a church — I guess, technically, I wasn’t drinking, because my bottle was empty. I was just drunk. I apologize for acting irresponsibly in public like I did, but you have to remem…

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Newt Gingrich Just Showed Up To Our Swingers Party

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So here’s some gross news: One woman is not enough to satisfy Newt Gingrich. According to his ex-wife, Marianne Gingrich, he wanted an open marriage. Well, he wanted it to officially be an open marriage. To Newt, it had already been pretty op…

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5 Great Snack Foods For Latchkey Kids

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So your parents are constantly working to put a roof over your head. They work late hours and you’re the one who suffers. You’re old enough to watch yourself now, and you won’t set the house on fire. Or at least if you do, youR…

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He’s A Handsome, Rugged Savior

He’s A Handsome, Rugged Savior

If you are someone, or you know someone who’s bought a painting of Jesus that was produced in the last few years, you may have noticed he looks a little more hip. That’s because one particular painter from Utah has updated Jesus’s…

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Eulogizing Doritos Inventor Arch West

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Seeing as though the Holy Taco staff is a team of talented writers who probably eat more Doritos than most writers, we feel as though we’re more qualified than even some of West’s family members to eulogize one of the most influential m…

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10 Reasons To Be Satisfied With America

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A recent gallup poll has revealed that only 11% of Americans are satisfied with the country’s condition. It’s pretty understandable considering what we’re used to. We’ve made some serious downgrades in the last few years, bu…

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5 Things I Wrote Down On A Wendy’s Napkin While I Was Really High

Nun with pot plants FTW

So, in honor of 4/20, I figured I’d let you take a peek behind the Holy Taco curtain. We all crank out a lot of material, and we’re not idea machines. When writer’s block strikes, sometimes one may be forced to seek a little ̶…

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Jackson Murphy, Child Movie Critic, Is Almost Definitely A Robot

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Obscenely talented kids scare the crap out of me. Mostly because I think they’re robots. Jackson Murphy, an 11 year old movie critic, is the current focus of my child prodigy phobia. He speaks in well-written sound bytes and seems to have no …

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